Is anyone out there?

Is this thing on?

It's me. Real, honest me. Here I sit now almost 6 years since I hit my lifetime goal with Weight Watchers after losing 116 lbs! Not even months after that moment I got pregnant with the baby that most of you know now as the ever joyous and fabulous Lily. Along with that pregnancy and my miracle girl, came a pregnancy in which I gained 80 lbs and NEVER lost them. Add another oh say 50 lbs to that over the last nearly 5 years and I'm fat... really really really really fat.. AGAIN. Please don't tell me not to say that. It's the truth, and please also know that unlike before Lily I no longer let it define my worth as a person. I don't care. I love my life. I love my face, my hair, my outfits. I walk with confidence. I'm a smart bad ass lady! I rock! 

But... just one but... I hurt. My feet hurt. I can't play with my kids like I want to. I'm scared of dying of diabetes or heart disease. So... this is my journey to get healthy ... AGAIN!  I hope you are still here to follow along because you should know that there isn't a moment that I don't think about this blog and how I can get back here to what my passion once was.  But my life... in the last nearly 6 years has changed. I've been thrown A LOT of LEMONS!!!  See, before I was on this journey to get healthy so I could have the perfect pregnancy, and I did get healthy, but I didn't have the perfect pregnancy AT ALL.  My pregnancy was a LEMON!  And what did I do, I threw it back and asked for chocolate... lots and lots of chocolate!  And wine!  And cake!  And chips!  And... well, you get the picture.  And now here I am ready to declare to world once again that I'm FAT and something needs to be done about it.