I guess it's time to finally tell you that my baby girl is going under the knife first thing on Wednesday morning to have this removed from the back of her head.


Yes... I bet you didn't know that was even there, did you? I've always shared photos of her smile, but not of this, and yet it has been so much a part of who she is for the last 11 months.

This is what is left of her cystic hygroma. This is where they thought her brain was bulging out of her skull.   This is the spot that was viewed on ultrasound 27 times before she was even born.  And this, as far as I'm concerned is the very spot where God healed her.  Physical evidence of the miracle we were granted.  Physical evidence of the immensity of the power and grace... and healing of God.

We've been told more times than I can now remember by doctors, nurses, and other medical professionals that no one has ever seen anything like it.  At first I wondered why... what is it?  What is it there for?  But now I am convinced why no one has ever seen anything like it.  Because babies that have a cystic hygroma so big and so complex as Lily's are not born alive to be seen with it. 

Like I said, the very spot that God chose to heal our Lily.  A spot that has represented for the last 11 months what an amazing answer to pray my daughter is. 

Sometimes we are asked questions.  They usually go something like this:
What is it made of?  Fat and skin we are told. 
Does it hurt her?  Nope.
What is it?  We don't really know.  The best guess is a leftover remanent of her cystic hygroma, and where it pushed against her neck/head as it grew and she grew.

Initially I wasn't used to the stares.  I actually preferred the questions.  It's why I love kids... they are so raw and honest.  I remember the first time that one of my son's friends approached us to ask about it.  It was at the Thanksgiving feast at his daycare.  "What is that?", he blurted out.  I told him it was just an extra spot that she was born with.  Next he asked, "Does it hurt?"  I quickly told him no, and he simply looked and me and said, "OK," and continued eating his mashed potatoes!  He asked his questions, and moved on, as if it was no big deal.  I wish adults could act that way sometimes.

Finally I got used to the stares.  I remember when I used to make sure her head was always facing the back of my arm, so no one would see.  At some point, I gave that up, and scolded myself inwardly for being critical of my own daughter.  She is who she is, and she is a miracle.  If people ask me these days, I simply tell them "Its just the way God made her." 

Over the last 11 months I've sort of become attached to the spot.  The miracle spot.  After Wednesday, it will be strange to find a Lily without her spot.  It is so much a part of who she is.  I've come to realize that I will actually grieve the spot when it is gone.  I know... that sounds so strange, but imagine your child being born with something, living with it for 11 months and then having it taken away within a couple of hours... maybe you can't imagine, and my fingers can't quite find the words right now that I'm looking for.

I know by having it removed though that we are doing the best thing for Lily's future.
Her hair will eventually grow long enough to cover the spot, and just like that the physical evidence of it will be gone. 

I however, will raise my daughter to know about her spot, and to remember what it represents - what it stands for - the miracle of life and the power of God.

Please pray for us this week as our daughter undergoes surgery.  Pray for peace for us, the skill of the surgeon, and healing for Lily.

Goodbye spot... we will miss you!

No Menu Monday today... sorry!  We are just surviving over here.  Its all we can do right now.  There is nothing exciting on our menu anyways.

Where to even begin... Last week "L" was home for all but Friday from daycare with a high, high fever. 

Thursday my weigh in revealed a loss of .2 (just that's a point in front) of a pound.

Then on Friday, Lily had her 6 month endocrinologist appointment.  I had been hoping and praying all week that she would finally be at 11 pounds.  Nope... she was only 2 oz bigger than a week prior - 10 lbs 12 oz.  I'm going to tear my hair out over this child not growing.

The doctor is definitely concerned about her lack of growth, even for a Turner Syndrome girl.  She was also concerned with her reaction to rice cereal, and so we've been referred to a pediatric gastroenterologist, to see if we can figure out how to make my girl gain weight.  This is so ironic to me in so many ways!

After the doctor on Friday, we decided to stop by Smashburger for dinner.  I had points to spare and ordered the grilled chicken.  I barely made it in the door of my house and I knew I was going to be sick - throw up sick.  I spent the next 24 hours laid flat by the stomach flu. 

Just mere hours after the plague laid me flat, it took out my husband.  Now think about it.  2 kids, under 5, alone with 2 parents that can't even get out of bed with the stomach flu.  Not a good scene!  I put the 4 year old in charge... uh yeah, not even kidding.  I was half way through feeding Lily a bottle, and I had him take over.  He did a good job.

We survived to see the much too early light of day (given the time change) on Sunday morning.  I was able to clean myself up and head out for supplies.  As the day went on things did get better and better.  Today I just feel run down, and still iffy about whether food is my friend or not.

Hopefully we can make it through a week without anyone in this house being sick - which would be a first in over a month.  Crossing my fingers and toes!

Needless to say, I think my obsession with Smashburger is officially over!

Amnio results from this morning showed that our baby's lungs are mature and it's a go for tomorrow morning dark and early.  Yes, the amnio was as bad as I thought it would be, but we had some complications.  I will leave it at that for now.

Little one we are ready to meet you in less than 12 hours!

I leave you with this.  A song that speaks to me lately.

September 1^st.   I can’t believe it is September 1^st today.  Even before we knew something was wrong with my pregnancy, I have always said that I wanted my baby to be born in September, and now there is no question that she will be.  Plus, I like sapphires, and I already have a peridot ring from when “L” was born.

That was the paragraph I wrote this morning… before our doctor’s appointment.  After so many weeks of “boring” appointments, we ended up leaving this morning’s appointment with extra doctor’s appointments.  Now I have an appointment tomorrow, Tuesday, and still my normal one next Thursday. 


There are also some Doppler flow items that are starting to look slightly abnormal, so the new protocol will be a biophysical profile every 4 days now, instead of every week.  And… the holiday weekend screwed that up for us this week (which is why I have the appointment tomorrow).  Thank God that by some strange act, my health insurance company suddenly decided to start covering my prenatal care at 100% again (as state law requires)!

While there is no immediate need for me to deliver, it will now be a weighing game between baby being better on the inside or better on the outside.  I can’t help but feel that the end is near.  At least my bag is packed this time, right? 


If I have to smile about one thing today it’s that the ultrasound tech could actually see the baby’s hair on the ultrasound.  She has hair!  With the all big, bad things we’ve been told during ultrasounds, sometimes it’s just nice to know the normal, little things too!

First, the good…
I am 3 weeks away from meeting our daughter.

My blood pressure yesterday was unbelievable! Now, note that I was laying down on my left side when they took it, but it was 95/65. No I did not type that wrong. I promptly informed them that their blood pressure machine wasn’t working, and we all had a good laugh.

The topic of yesterday’s doctor’s appointment was the State Fair. Boy… we must really be getting boring for our doctor.  Boring=good.

Our pediatric neurosurgeon will not be in town the scheduled day of my delivery, or the weekend following, but he feels that there will be no immediate need for surgery, and at the soonest it would be the next week if needed (yes I’m most definitely counting this under the good category).

Baby turned head down. You are probably wondering why this is good, given I’m having a C-section. I count it good, because she is doing something she is supposed to do (for once) SCORE!

It’s Friday, and we don’t have a ton going on this weekend for the first time all August, giving me time to prepare and time to rest and try to heal from my cold.

Next, the bad…
I feel fat… my maternity clothes fit horribly these days, and the super cute fall stuff in the stores is making me sad, because I want to buy it, but don’t fit, and won’t fit in any of it any time soon. I did buy a shirt on my lunch hour today, for some retail therapy.

I still have a horrible cold and it isn’t one bit better, since I got it on Monday night.

The ultrasound yesterday took a long time, because our baby would not do a limb extension to pass the “tone” part of the test. Also the tech had a hard time measuring the blood vessel in the brain because the baby is so low in my pelvis (see good above). These moments were a bit scary to say the least.

Last, the ugly….
I heard someone today complain about the sex of their baby. Seriously? And here is where I could go on a big rant… but instead I'm just going to say, "YOU SUCK!"   

Some jack hole spilled coffee on my tan colored pants at Starbucks this morning – he spilled his whole coffee on the floor while I was standing putting cream in mine. The really ugly part of this is I have 3 pairs of pants that currently fit, and now one is stained with coffee spots!

I am just so tired. 
I am just so sad.  I hope its hormonal or something.  Its the worst its been since the Bubble Burst.  I am so incredibly tired, I want to hibernate or something.  Its been nearly 3 months that I've been living with this supposedly doomed pregnancy.
I am tired of the doctors. 
I am tired of Thursdays.
I am sick and tired of the gooey ultrasound gel.
I am tired of dreading my blood pressure.
I am tired of watching my weight go up.
I am tired of watching the ultrasound screen and waiting for the words from the doctor.
I am tired of knowing what a good arterial measurement is, and what a normal volume of fluid is.
I am tired of waiting for the next shoe to drop.
I am tired of being jealous of people with perfect pregnancies bringing home perfect babies.
I am tired of thinking about this.
I am tired of wondering what is going to happen.
I am tired of worrying about getting cut open.
I am tired of sleeping like crap.
I am tired of peeing so much.
I am tired of getting heartburn and wondering if its the beginning of HELLP.
I am tired of the doom and gloom
and... yet at the same time I am tired of people that act as if nothing is wrong.
I am tired of living in my own skin.
I am tired of not drinking wine and eating blue cheese.
I am so incredibly tired, and I don't think I'm going to feel relief any time soon.

P.S - I have nothing to report from the doctor's visit today.  Status Quo.  Blood pressure 131/81, up 1 pound this week.

Another doctor appointment today.  Baby girl scored another 8 out of 8 on her biophysical profile, and I got to have my favorite ultrasound tech!  I had a blood pressure of 124/84... not too bad, not what I want it to be, but low enough to allow my doctor to remain relatively unconcerned about me for another week.

There really is no change with the baby, but today Dr. P told me that she feels like the remaining growth on the back of this baby's head/neck is really looking more and more like it is an encephalocele.  I write that word now without having to look up its spelling.  I really hate that I know how to spell it, and have visited the first 50 sites that come up if you google it.  Encephalocele is not something I ever wanted to know about!  Dr P's feelings are strong enough to have us meet with a pediatric neurosurgeon in the next couple of weeks - more words I don't want to know about or type.  If this is an encephalocele we are looking at what I'll refer to as "baby brain surgery" within the first couple of weeks/months of our daughter's life.  I spent a couple of months practically begging each night as I pray for the cystic hygroma to resolve, and it did... and revealed this!  Seriously?  I want to shout foul, but as I've seen in the past several months, healing does happen, right?

I wanted to give you some facts I've discovered through multiple sources about encephaloceles.  I'm hoping if anyone googles this and is having the same questions I do this will be helpful.  It will also help you guys to understand better what appears now to be going on with our little girl.  After reading some of these things, I sometimes long for the days of thinking this was a cystic hygroma... words I never thought I'd say

Encephaloceles are a neural tube defect which is basically a sac-like protrusion from a defect in the skull. These protrusions are filled with the membranes that surround the brain cavity and sometimes, brain matter as well.

Encephaloceles affect about 375 babies yearly in the United States.  Lucky me... and I can't seem to win the freaking lottery, but this?

20% of babies who have encephaloceles are stillborn.  Better odds I guess that we were first given.

The prognosis, depends on the type and amount of brain tissue involved, the encephalocele's location, other brain malformations.

Babies with an encephalocele stand a one in five chance at survival. 21% of babies with an encephalocele survive birth. Of those that are born alive, only half will survive.

Babies that have an encephalocele may also have other related issues including: 
-- Microcephaly (small head)
-- Ataxia (uncoordinated movements)
-- A 75% rate of some sort of developmental delay
-- Hydrocephalus
-- Paralysis of the arms and legs
-- Vision problems
-- Seizures
-- Slow growth

So... this appears to be more and more our new reality.

We asked today if our doctor is still thinking Turner Syndrome, and she is not.  The slate has been wiped clean.  The information I was given at my first appointment is no longer valid.  She is not aware of any known cases of Turner or Down syndrome that presented with encephalocele.  More and more we are looking at a very rare genetic defect, or an isolated birth defect, and yet she cannot find any genetic conditions that are standing out because our baby is lacking other dominant traits of each condition.  If you have to cheer for one over the other we've been told to cheer for isolated birth defect (somewhere along the way of this year I lost all naivety).

If the encephalocele can be successful repaired, and no other conditions are present with our baby, then she could live a normal life.

There are still so many what ifs...
What if it is an encephalocele?
What if its not?
What if its something else?

There is only one thing we are certain of... that there remains so much uncertainty, and we probably won't know the answer until sometime after our daughter is born.

I have been told I may be one of the strangest cases of cystic hygroma/encephalocele they have ever seen.  When my daughter and I show up in a medical journal someday, all I want is an autographed copy hanging on my wall.  I figure it will make a for an interesting item for her to bring to show and tell someday.

Guess who is going to be trekking to CVS or Walmart for daily blood pressure checks?  Yep... yours truly!  I'm not about to spend only a couple of weeks with my beloved first trimester, so I guess I better figure out a way to get it down!
Every time I have a doctor's appointment I get myself so worked up.  This morning was no exception.  I was feeling especially anxious given the revealing of the possible encephalocele last week.  I also feel as we get closer the "when will I go to the doctor, and not come home, but go straight to the hospital" feeling.  I have a lot of anxiety surrounding that as a result of my previous pregnancy.

The good news is baby girl passed her biophysical profile today with flying colors.  The ultrasound tech gave her an 8 out of 8.  BPP measure 4 things - amniotic fluid, gross motor movements, fine motor movements (muscle tone), and breathing.  Baby girl did all things perfectly - she of course is like her mama - and even moved from a transverse (cross ways position) to head down during my ultrasound, which caused the tech to take about a 2 minute break, while we all watched her go nuts on the screen!  I also had her growth checked today and while she isn't growing as normally as a "normal" baby would she is growing compared to herself.  Overall I am measuring at about 28 ish weeks, and I'm 29.  Baby girl is about 2-1/2 pounds.

The not so good news... because there ALWAYS has to be some, is that I unfortunately did not fair so well.  I have pre-hypertension.  My first blood pressure was 138/86.  Clinical hypertension is 140/90.  I was told that when they took it again, and if it was that high, they would start running my labs.  Not how I wanted to spend my day.  The second time they took it, I thought happy thoughts of Hawaiian beaches and I was able to get it down to 133/79.  I'm still unhappy with the top number, which is up 18 points from last week, but the bottom number is actually a little lower than last week.  I have to take my blood pressure daily, and call my numbers in tomorrow and Tuesday.  I see the doctor again next Thursday. 

I really, really need a couple more weeks before this starts creeping up.  I didn't have any protein in my urine, so it could just be an isolated incident.  If no preeclampsia signs follow and it stays higher than normal, they would just put me on blood pressure meds, according to the doctor. 

True confession time - I did eat a lot of potato chips, it has been ungodly hot here, AND I haven't walked in over a week.  So now, I need to stop eating potato chips and start walking, right?  The heat is out of my control.  I told the doctor and nurse to STOP stressing me out so much.  Jeez, you'd expect with a pregnancy this stressful, that it might be even higher!

Another doctor appointment today... another look at baby girl.  Another set of surprises, that very vividly illustrate that I am NOT in control of any of this. 

I guess I'll say there is obvious good news, and then there is what I'll call new news at this point. 

In the good news department is that my vitals remain stable.  My blood pressure was 115/81, and everything else with me seems normal for a 28 week pregnant woman.  My doctor actually said her feet have more swelling in them than mine do!  At this point forward, I will be on weekly appointments, as she wants to continue watching me closely.

The other very good news, is that the hygroma has finally shrunk!  After staying exactly the same for 9 weeks, the fluid filled portions have almost entirely disappeared into just some extra skin hanging around the neck!  This is great and surprising news for us and our doctor.  I have prayed - and I know I'm not the only one - every single night for this to happen, and it finally has.  I wish I felt more elation in this, but it is tempered by the new discovery today.

The shrinkage of the hygroma has now revealed something that was underneath it – a projection off the back of the baby’s neck that appears to be some sort of soft tissue, versus an empty space that was fluid-filled.  My doctor is a little mystified as to this new discovery.  This is not a normal presentation of a cystic hygroma.  It is possible that this is what is called an encephalocele – which is a rare disorder in which the bones of the skull do not close completely, creating a gap through which cerebral spinal fluid, brain tissue and the membrane that covers the brain can protrude into a sac-like formation. This is a very serious condition, that often does not come with a good prognosis – both short and long term. As with everything we’ve been told before, babies with encephalocele have a high rate of inutero death - what's new, right?   However, our doctor is puzzled as the baby’s brain appears very normal, and has since the beginning, and the cerebellum which is at the back of the brain right next to this protrusion is “perfectly formed” (her words not mine). Many times with an encephalocele the brain tissues would show defect or compromise.  There are encephaloceles that contain only brain fluid versus both fluid and brain matter.  Those do have a better prognosis.  Of course it may not be an encephalocele at all, and just may be some sort of excess tissue.  Right now the baby is in a position that makes it impossible to know if this is actually an encephalocele. We may get more information at our next appointment, or we may not know anything else until birth.   

27 weeks… 1 more week until 28 - my second goal!
Yesterday was a BIG day for appointments.  I spent 8:30 am to 1:00 pm at the hospital for tests.  First, I had a fetal MRI.  This is where they put ME in a scary and super tiny MRI machine for about 80 minutes, and do a bunch of scans of the baby.  The purpose of this test was to have very detailed pictures showing the structure of the cystic hygroma on the back of our baby's neck/head.  These pictures will then be given to pediatric surgeons, who will begin the planning for the surgeries our daughter will need after birth.  Yes... surgerIES.  We are told it will likely take multiple surgeries to remove the hygroma, depending on its structure and interconnection with blood vessels, etc.  This is not a test to let us know what is wrong with the baby, but simply another piece of the puzzle so doctors can help her in the future.  We will likely begin meeting with the surgeons in the next couple of weeks.

I have to say that after spending almost 80 minutes in the MRI machine all I could think of was hilariously:  "Thank God I am not as fat as I used to be!"  That thing is tiny, and 100 pounds ago I have no clue how I would have fit.  At least it distracted me somewhat from the close quarters and hammering and car alarms sounds that were coming from all around me.

After the MRI, we had a follow up echo cardiogram.  At our first they found a small heart defect called a VSD in the baby, and could not see the aortic arch, which is one of the key things they wanted to see.  The cardiologist could not find the VSD this time, and they still couldn't see the aortic arch very clearly (we are told it is very hard to image in utero), but they were able to trace blood flow through it and it appeared normal.  The VSD could have possibly closed or it is just harder to see.  Apparently, it gets harder the further along you get.  The conclusion was that the baby would need to have an echo cardiogram 24-48 hours after birth.  The cardiologist told us "not to worry about it." Ah... OK, easier said than done, but the heart seems to be the least of our worries in the whole scheme of things.

Overall things continue to be stable, and we are grateful for that.

Overall my health is still pretty good.  My cold symptoms have eased up, although I still have a sporadic nasty cough.  My blood pressure is a bit higher than I'd like, but it is still normal.  I have really little if any swelling.  I've gained a total of 27 pounds.  The baby is measuring close to normal overall, and she is kick, kick, kicking away!  Her patterns have become much more regular and I feel her more often than I have in previous weeks.  It is very comforting to feel her punches to my bladder, even if it results in - at 34 years old - me peeing my pants.  I'd like to think the punches mean she is training to punch my doctor (Sorry Dr. P)  as she is delivered for giving her such a grim prognosis only 8 short weeks ago.  That's my girl! 

I'm glad so many of you liked my Happy Crappy Pregnancy Cake.  Yes, of course I ate some, but of course, I didn't eat it all.  It was quite delicious!
So... the doctor's appointment on Thursday- It would never be quite complete without a little drama, right?  First, I got there and I had no appointment on the book... interesting, because in the folder where I've organized all my "pregnancy stuff" I had an appointment card with 6/30 2:15 pm written on it.  During my last appointment, the office was having a super busy/disorganized day due to a few emergencies, and someone wrote my card, but forgot to write down my appointment in the book.  Big sigh!  They knew they had to "fit me in" though, and really those are NEVER the words you want to hear, because you just know you'll be waiting.  I'll spare you the details of the wait, but let's just say that at one point my husband was pretending to juggle with imaginary objects due to his boredom.  Finally I started my 2:15 pm appointment at 4:00 pm.  What happened next stunned me though... I was given a coffee gift card for my trouble.  What?  At a doctor's office?  I was shocked! 

I am happy to report that my blood pressure was down to 125/78, from 128/85.  YAY!  My ultrasound showed the baby measuring overall 25 weeks and 5 days - I was 26 weeks and 1 day at the time... not bad at all!  The head/tummy are still overall measuring normal and the limbs measuring 1-2 weeks behind.  The femur (thigh) measurement was actually only 1 week behind this time, so that one caught up a little.  Overall the baby is around 1-3/4 pounds!

The small rim of fluid remains around the heart.  My doctor categorizes it as on the threshold of being non-significant.  I guess everyone has just a little fluid around the heart, and this is just a tiny bit more than normal.  There is no excess fluid anywhere else, kidneys are working, amniotic fluid is normal. 

My doctor likes to often do her own ultrasound after the initial one.  This time she came in, found the baby's heart on the ultrasound, and started just staring at it.  I could have sworn 5 minutes past, and she didn't say a thing during that whole time.  She was just taking pictures and staring at the heart.  Then she started doing the same thing with the baby's head.  You know THAT SILENCE... the one that is so big and so long that it almost hurts you?  Yeah... it was like that.  I wanted to yell out, "What's wrong?"  but I managed to keep my cool.

She told us that overall the baby really remains unchanged and stable.  The hygroma is not growing, but is not shrinking.  Today she could not convince herself that the VSD heart defect was still there.  She didn't see it, but couldn't rule it out either.  It is not uncommon for the small VSDs to heal in utero.  I really hope it is gone!  We will find out more on Tuesday at our second echo cardiogram. 

She also told us that she is seeing something new though... why, why can't we just be free of these new discoveries for just one appointment?  The baby's head is tapering slightly on one end.  She said it could definitely be normal and just familial - given my son's strange journey with his prolonged open fontanel this is not shocking to us.  It could also be another marker of some sort of genetic or chromosomal condition (which is still highly suspected in our baby girl), or it is even possible that the skull bones have started fusing too quickly in the baby (not something you want to happen).  Right now she is not immediately concerned, because it just showed up at 26 weeks - some of the more serious conditions would have shown prior to this.  It is just another thing to put on the "watch list."  She did find "L"'s fontanel condition significant to this finding, so we are going with familial right now.  Did we trade a heart condition for a head condition?  I guess that is TBD at this point.

I know she is still shocked to see me pregnant at 26 weeks... and even while I feel satisfaction in that, I am still so incredibly fearful of the uncertain future. 

Tuesday starts the rounds of tests - MRI and another echo - that will start to give the surgeons the information they would need to treat our baby once she is born.  We will be meeting with them in the coming weeks to discuss how this may play out.  I hope and pray they have the wisdom to know what to do, and for me the patience and peace to endure it all!

Next ultrasound in 2 weeks... Next stop 28 weeks!

Wednesday morning at 7:00 a.m. a stranger rang my doorbell.  She asked for my driver's license and gave me a cup and sent me to the bathroom.  I came back a few minutes later and handed her a cup of pee.  No, this was not some sort of sick horror movie...I was actually having a paramedical exam as a requirement for my life insurance company.

A funny thing happened after I handed her my pee, she looked at me and said, "You need to get a new license."  Initially I thought, "No, my license doesn't expire until my birthday this year.", but then she added, "because there is no way this is your weight"  I looked at my license...and laughed a nervous little laugh.  Let me just say that the picture on my license should be burned.  Apparently when I was much fatter, I did not feel the need to smile.  I give you exhibit A:

Apparently I am NOT happy

The weight on my license was listed as 275 pounds - I was never a very good liar, so it was accurate at the time.  My weight as I stepped on her scale on Wednesday morning was 168.  Yeah, I guess I do need to get a new license, and I probably need to start smiling more too.

In addition to the weight, pee, and blood, she took my resting heart rate, which was 64.  An average resting heart rate for me, prior to starting running back in April 2010, was in the 80s.  Think about that.  My heart is working a good 20% less most minutes of the day than it was even one year ago!  If that doesn't demonstrate to you the importance of exercise, I'm not sure what will.  My blood pressure was 110/58 on my left side twice and even lower on my right side... she just shook her head and kind of laughed.  Hopefully I will be laughing all the way to the bank when I see my new life insurance rate.

Sometimes it is so nice to have another measure of success besides the number on the scale! 

Speaking of the number on the scale...it WAS down yesterday.  I was down a pound on Thursday at my weigh in.  I officially have 13 more pounds to lose, but I am nearly 7 pounds under my goal weight right now, so I am feeling good about that, AND I feel less scared about the PointsPlus plan, now that I have a loss under my belt. 

I've been having some insomnia lately, due to my 3 year old not sleeping well, and so my visits to the gym have suffered, but I am determined to get back on track this weekend.  If I'm going to for my 10k at the end of April (oh I didn't officially announce that, did I?  I guess I need to get right on that), I need to start training by the last week of January, so its time to gear up! 

No excuses, no looking back, no living in fear!

When I was pregnant with my son, among one of the many problems I had was the development of gestational diabetes.  There's nothing more fun than being pregnant, already feeling nauseous too much, only being able to eat certain foods, and needing to prick your finger 4 times a day.  Fortunately, it was all worth it in the end.

Unfortunately, statistics are starting to show that 60% of women who develop gestational diabetes, will go on to develop type 2 diabetes with 5-10 years.  WOW!  That will wake you up.  Did you see that? 
60 percent! 

I of course, ignored this dooming statistic for a year after my son was born - along with pretty much anything else related to my health and my weight.  I figured that statistic along with my lethargic, obese self pretty much doomed me to diabetes, and I sort of gave up. 

Every year, I have to go for a fasting glucose test.  The normal range of numbers is 60-99.  Here are results from 2008 - prior to my start of this journey:
5/10/2008 - 113
10/9/2008 - 95

Things didn't look too encouraging... I figured I was on my way to a fast date with my glucose testing meter.


Here's my result from last year - I was down 67 pounds at the time:
10/9/2009 - 91
Looking better...

And here's the result my doctor posted for me on Sunday (down 109 pounds):
10/30/2010 - 89

I am ecstatic!  I am determined to not become this statistic anymore.  And even if I do ... in the future ... I am determined to be the healthiest diabetic out there!

I've always loved this quote:

"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending."
- Maria Robinson

This is my new ending.  What are you doing today for your health and your life to create a new ending?

You know the saying "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels?"  Since I've been losing weight I've seen it everywhere.  I actually kind of hate it.  I mean, I have lost over 107 pounds, and I still don't feel thin.  I don't know if I'll ever actually feel thin, but I sure as heck know how a really, really good piece of cheesecake tastes.  I certainly understand the intent of the saying though, and after today I think I've finally begun to appreciate it, but I'll replace it with my own version:

"Nothing tastes as good as having OBESITY permanently erased from your medical record feels."

NOTHING!  Seriously... NOTHING! 

Today I had my yearly checkup.  I am down 40 pounds from my last checkup, and 110 pounds from my checkup 2 years ago... the one that put my plans to lose weight into motion.  And today... while reviewing my medical record, my doctor said to me, "I think we can go ahead and get rid of this now."  And with a couple of keystrokes I watched as he erased the diagnosis of Obesity from my medical record.  It was a silent, yet powerful moment had between a doctor and a patient in a cold exam room, on a random Monday in October.  There were no trumpets that sounded or magical confetti that flew down from the ceiling as he pressed backspace and hit save.  There were no high fives exchanged.  But regardless, it was one of the top highlights of the last 2 years of my life!  He erased it, and just like that it was gone, then he said "You have done well." and we moved on.  Simple, yet incredibly profound.

We moved on to the blood pressure part of the exam.  I have never had a problem outside of pregnancy with my blood pressure.  But when I heard my current blood pressure, I would not believe it belonged to a now formerly obese, once severely preeclamptic, prediabetic like me.  98/62.  Let me repeat that 98/62.  I have never once in my life seen my blood pressure with the top number below 100. 

I have never been so tangibly reminded that I am no longer obese, that I am a regular exerciser, that I am a runner!  I am not who I once was.  The health problems that plagued me in the past are nearly erased.  This is a new game now.  I game that I feel lost in because I don't know any of the new rules. 

Obesity Erasure.  And with that there is one remaining item on my medical history that I can't wait to see erased... PCOS. 

Obesity, you lose and I win.  PCOS, you better watch your back, just ask Obesity.  Bring it... I'm ready!  GAME ON!