Happy New Year!  Yes, yes, I know its already 4 days in... I'm a little slow preoccupied these days yet, but I really, really wanted to get back here and set up my goals for 2012.  I am determined to make this the year that I reclaim myself.

You'll remember (or not if you are new... by the way, welcome) that last year I set out some specific goals, and then pregnancy happened, and that pregnancy turned into a sweet pumpkin named Lily, who just happened to be missing an "X" chromosome, and who threw us all for a loop.  So.. my year did not turn out at all like I imagined, and my goals pretty much went to the wayside.

Enter 2012.  The year that I am determined to reclaim the skinny me and my sanity.

Goal #1:  Reclaim the skinny Sarah.  Fit back into my pants.
So... its the typical New Year's resolution if you want to call it that.  The difference is for me this is a goal not a resolution.  In 9 months I gained 45ish pounds.  I had a 5 pound baby, and I lost 2 pounds.  HA!  Not kidding.  When I weighed in back at Weight watchers 2 weeks ago, I was up 43 pounds from my goal weight.  I have since lost around 3 pounds.  I am wearing 14s and 16s, when last year at this time I was a svelte 8.  I hate not fitting into my pants.  They were cute pants, they were nice pants.  I liked them.  So, 2012 is my year to fit back into my pants again.

It took me 9 months to gain 40+ pounds and I am just fine with it taking 9 months to a year to lose them.  I know what is realistic for me.  I'm not a loser of 2 pounds + a week.  My average weight loss the first time down was 1 pound a week.  At my last weigh in I was around 215.  My goal weight is 175.  I'd like to be down to 199.9 by my birthday in March.  It's March 22.  I have around 11 weeks.  I'd like to be down the other 25 pounds by the end of this year. 

Realistic goals!  I can do this.  I will make this happen.  I know exactly what to do.  I'm a pro at this weight loss stuff.  I lost 115 pounds before, 40 should be a.piece.of.cake!  But I'm still scared.  Scared to fail, scared to be fat.

On the way to reclaiming my skinny self, and my old pants, I'd like to restart a "formal" exercise program this year.  I'm not sure what this means right now.  I haven't run since sometime late last February.  My first step is to figure out what form of exercise and where to exercise will work best for me in this season - tired mother with small infant and preschool son- of my life.  I've considered rejoining Curves as I know it works and its a 30 minute commitment.  I want to run, and I may start up the "run a 5k program" I did before, in the spring once it is lighter later in the evenings.

Goal #2:  Reclaim my sanity
This one is just slighter harder to put out here, as it involves my mental health, and sometimes I think that is a side of myself I'd rather just hide away.  But I feel it needs to be said.  Last year sucked.  It drained the life out of me with my traumatic pregnancy... not to mention the hormones.  I have some lingering issues.  Sometimes I feel sad... really really sad, and I'm not always 100% sure why.  But even a bigger concern is my anxiety levels recently are sky high.  I worry about stuff... and not just little things, but big things... like my kids dying, car accidents, bad things happening to my family.  It is freaky.  I'm nearly positive it is a result of the stress of my pregnancy that has done this to me, but I don't want to live in this stupid constant fear, anger, and sadness. 

I think the food I put in my mouth and finding exercise to do will play a huge role in helping me in this area, as I'm a big believer that physical health and mental health are closely tied together, but I am not going to be ashamed to reach out for help to a therapist/counselor this year to process the events of 2011. 

And so... I will reclaim my sanity, and at the end of 2012, I will be a skinny, sane girl in cute pants!  Shoot for the stars, right?

2012 is going to be better.  I am ready and willing to work on my body, mind, and soul, and discover new lessons along the way.  Welcome 2012... I like you better already.

This past week in my Weight Watchers meeting we talked about movement. Yes, that kind of movement, as in move your butt, or Move More Eat Less. If you’ve been around the weight loss block you know it is an essential part of losing weight, and even beyond that, an essential part of just being healthy!

I’m going to tell you a secret. When I first started my weight loss journey, I didn’t think movement was an essential component of the journey. Serious. So serious in fact that I didn’t do any extra movement as I lost my first 50 pounds. While this thinking might have been flawed, I actually believe that being able to focus on one thing – my food – for those 50 pounds, helped ensure my future success. Doing too much too soon can be overwhelming. I focused on what I felt I could control most at that moment… and exercise was not it at the time.

Then nearly 2 years ago, after losing those 50 pounds… I found myself confronted everywhere by the message that in order to keep getting healthy and remain so I would need to MOVE my body. I needed to do something… anything. I started to walk in the late afternoons, but quickly I got bored and gave up. I figured out quickly that my barrier to moving more was time. With a little one, and a full-time job outside of the home, I didn’t have the time to exercise, and if I did I had major mom-guilt about leaving my son to… gasp… do something good for myself. Moms… you know this is true… how many of you just shouted out an “Amen sista”?

It was then that I discovered Curves – 30 minutes of circuit training 3-5 days a week, was the commitment. I could do that, and I did. I went religiously, and watched my weight and inches continue downward. It was the perfect fit.

Last spring, I felt compelled to do more. I loved the Curves circuit, but I wanted more cardio. So I decided to run a 5k, and did my first on June 12th with some of my Weight Watchers buddies. Since then I’ve been running 3-4 days a week, and loving it...

So… back to last week’s Weight Watchers meeting. The challenge we were left with was do something new to move your body. I thought about it for a day or so… I already run, I already do weights, I already do the elliptical, I’m not so keen on the bike… and don’t even mention Group Fitness Class to my ears. So… what’s a girl to do? I mean, I have this exercise thing figured out, this challenge is obviously really not for me. Then it dawned on me… so simple and in front of me the whole time… WALK! Now, I had already been doing some interval work at the gym the past week, so I had been walking a little, but I mean a long, fast, walk.

So on Saturday I headed out to the treadmill nearest me, and walked at 3.9 mph for 50 minutes. What did I learn? WALK is a four letter word… that’s what. Holy moly, I was sore. I’m talking I had have shin splints sore, I didn’t want to sit on my behind sore. Per my heart rate monitor, I still got a great cardio workout – although more in the fat burning zone vs. the fitness zone, and I apparently used some muscles that running doesn’t tap into. WOW!

What’s my point in this long-winded, hope you’re still reading this, story?
First of all walking is an amazing exercise, go do it:
-- It’s free.
-- It's easy access.
-- You don’t need any fancy equipment… just a good pair of athletic shoes.
-- Anyone can do it; even if you have to start with only 1 minute… you can do still it!
-- It’s a powerful workout – you’ll be making your heart and muscles stronger, with every step.

But my most important point - You have to mix it up sometimes. This goes with exercise, but also anything in life. I tricked myself into thinking that running was the only workout for me. I was wrong! There are lots of workouts that I can use to keep me interested, motivated, and keep my muscles well balanced.

Take it from the girl that is walking funny from the shin splints… walking is NOT for wimps!

It’s commonly said that it takes 30 days of doing something consistently to create a habit. I always found that interesting, since I actually think that is underestimating what it takes to create a habit.

I started my weight loss journey in October 2008. I lost my first fifty pounds without so much as lifting a finger for exercise. It helped me to concentrate on one thing at a time – one thing I knew I could change – my food. In April of 2009, I knew that to truly change myself I would need to find a way not only to make myself thinner, but also to make myself fitter – so I joined Curves.

Curves was perfect for me - low-impact, minimal time commitment, and fun to do.  I committed to going 3-4 days a week.  For probably the next 6 months, if I made it 2 days a week, that was good. 

Fast forward to this past spring - 2010.  Weight Watchers issued a challenge to walk a 5k.  Walking is GREAT exercise, but I knew that it would not be a challenge for me.  So... I committed to running a 5k, and picked my race - The CDI Back in Shape 5k - June 12, 2010. 

7 weeks away from the race, and after much hemming and hawing, I decided it was time to start training.  I followed the Weight Watchers run a 5k plan (email me for more information if you want information on this plan).  Initially I couldn't run 1 minute, but at the end of 6 weeks I ran a 5k in 32 minutes and 15 seconds!  Now I was going to Curves 3 days a week and running 3-4 days a week.  After the race, I just kept on running, I rarely missed a day.  I eventually left Curves and joined a gym where I could run inside, and rarely now miss a day.  It isn't even a option for me to "skip" anymore. 

That's my long-winded way of saying it took me nearly a year of "practice" to finally make exercise a habit - an integral part of my life.  Back in my earlier Curves days, I remember waking up at 5:20 am to head into Curves, only to roll over and turn my alarm off.  I can honestly say, with the exception of being sick, I haven't done that in months. 

The past 2 weeks have been TOUGH!  I have felt unmotivated to exercise.  I could give you EVERY excuse in the book: 
stomach flu
a cold/sore throat
a sick kid
a sick husband
the holidays are coming
holiday parties
Thanksgiving
Christmas shopping to do
stress at work
3 snow storms, etc. etc.
but I've powered through. 

The turning point of realizing that FINALLY exercise is a habit for me was this morning: 
The temperature = 11 below,
The time = 5:15 am
Outside =dark and snowy
Me = groaning and moaning, saying I don't want to ALL the way to the gym, even while on the treadmill the whole 30 minutes. 
The result, not even once did I consider not going despite all my grumbling! 

So don't give yourself the choice to quit - whatever you are facing.  Keep getting up in the morning and doing it over and over and over again.  When you don't want to, do it anyways.  For me, it took way longer than 30 days to make that habit, but the time spent was well worth it!

So it was weigh in day today.  I wasn't terribly excited about that, since it seems like I just weighed in - and really I did as it was just last Saturday.  So... its been less than a week, and also the week after a BIG loss.  I didn't expect much, and I was right.  Down .2 for a total of 102.6 pounds lost!  Little pieces of pounds count too though, right?  Everything adds up.  Little pieces keep adding up and before you know it you are down 100+ pounds... that's how it happened for me, so I try to not be disappointed about those little pieces of pounds.  I'm 3.8 pounds away from goal now.

You might also notice a couple more things.  I figured out how to turn my blog into 3 columns - very cool... at least I think so, but I'm a bit of a computer geek deep down.  Also I won an award... I was apparently was named one of the 2010 Top 45 Fitness Blogs by Awarding the Web.  I'm shocked!  I didn't know anyone read this blog :-)  OK, I know there are people that do, but you know what I mean.  So... I added my "badge of honor" to my sidebar.  I'm also working on a page with my progress, so  you can see how I lost this weight, and also a slide show of before/after pictures.  My problem there is I'm still a little camera shy and don't have many after pictures yet, but I'm working towards it.  In fact, we are getting new family pictures on Saturday... ones where I don't weigh over 200 pounds... this is a momentous occasion.  Ones where hopefully I don't shriek at the site of myself.  I'll keep you posted.

Also as an update thanks to the people who suggested ideas for my Sunrise Dilemma - I really seriously appreciate any and all comments/suggestions I get.  I think I've decided to join the gym at our community center.  It is about 7 minutes away from home and 5 from work, open 5:45 am to 9 pm, has an indoor track, outdoor running paths, machines, and classes... all for $35 a month... I honestly cannot buy a treadmill for that!  I just have to get there to get squared away with it.  I'm planning on overlapping the month of August with Curves, as I have to give 30 days notice there anyways.  That way I can make double sure that I like it.  I also would like to hire a personal trainer for some sessions... so hopefully I'll make a decision on that soon too.  I'm excited to be starting this "next chapter" of sorts for my fitness.  Hope you're ready for the ride as well! 

FOUR whole weeks of running completed.  I am a runner!!! HA HA... hardly.  When I started this I had so many people tell me that I would love it, and I would be addicted and would become a runner for life.  Sorry people, but that just ain't happenin'. 

Please hold while I channel Dr. Seuss (Too much reading to 2 year olds will do this to you)
I do not like running, not one little bit
I do not like running I'd rather step in shit

I do not like it with the rain
I do not like it with knee pain
I do not like it on the street
I do not like it at the track meet.

Seriously though... I just don't.  I like how I feel afterwards, but during I feel horrible!  Bad gym flashbacks.  I feel like I won't make it.  But I do and then I feel accomplishment.  I'm not sure if that makes any sense, but that is what is going on mentally with me right now.

Again, I ran 4 days last week, and strength trained on the circuit at Curves 2 days. This week in Minnesota we skipped abruptly in the weather department from spring to summer.  The beginning of the week was upper 70s and today and over the weekend high 80s to 95 degrees today, and super-humid.  Tuesday and Thursday I did my runs around 4:00 pm... that was too hot, and too hard.  Tuesday was my first time running double digits - 3, 10 minute runs with 2 minute walks in between.  2 minutes is not enough time, and 10 minutes is too much running!!! Over the weekend I ran in the mornings around 7:30, and that seemed easier, so maybe it was the temperature/humidty change that had me taking this week so hard.

Here's how my training for last week went (I'm following the Weight Watchers "Walk-It Challenge" Train to Run a 5k plan):
- Monday= Curves
- Tuesday = 5 minutes walking, 10 minutes running/2minutes walking x 3, 5 minutes walking = 46 min
- Wednesday = Curves
- Thursday= same as Tuesday
- Friday = rest
- Saturday = 5 minutes walking, 12minutes running/2minutes walking x 2, 5 minutes walking. = 38 min
- Sunday= same as Saturday


I bought workout clothes over the weekend - a new sports bra, 1 new tank top, and 2 pairs of shorts.  Now that it is hot, it is just impossible to do any workout in pants, even though I don't like being seen in shorts.
This week brings my official second to last week of training.  It looks like my walks will shorten to 1 minute on Thursday and I will be running 18 minutes at a time on Saturday!  Eeek!!  I am scared... but I will make it.  The race is only 2 weeks from Saturday!!!

Can you believe it?  I'm half-way through this training ordeal challenge.  3 weeks down, 3 to go, and alive to write about it.



I ran 4 days last week, and strength trained on the circuit at Curves 2 days.  I cut out my Friday workout there for now; not having any rest days was just a bit too much for me.  Tuesday I had to run in the rain.  Thursday was cold, but at least I missed the rain.  My knee was bothering me both days.  Saturday and Sunday were amazingly gorgeous!  Sunshine and lower 70s, probably about mid/lower 60s when I was running.  Sunday I ran in a local park on the trails while "L" and my hubby played in at the playground.  Once the rain stopped, the knee stopped hurting as well!  I'll take it!  I'm up to running 8 minutes at a time now.

Here's how my training for last week went (I'm following the Weight Watchers "Walk-It Challenge" Train to Run a 5k plan):

• Monday= Curves
• Tuesday = 5 minutes walking, 7 minutes running/2minutes walking x 3, 5 minutes walking = 37 min
• Wednesday = Curves
• Thursday= 5 minutes walking, 7 minutes running/2minutes walking x 3, 5 minutes walking  = 37 min
• Friday = rest
• Saturday = 5 minutes walking, 8 minutes running/2minutes walking x 3, 5 minutes walking. = 40 min
• Sunday= 5 minutes walking, 8minutes running/2 minutes walking x 2, 5 minutes walking.  = 30 min

I downloaded 3 new songs from iTunes to listen to this week, all from recent episodes of Glee!

• Jessie's Girl
• Hope it Gives you Hell
• Physical

It was kind of fun to have new Tunes on the iPod.

This week brings my first double digit run tomorrow - 10 minute runs x 3.. YIKES!! I truly think the first 5 minutes though is mental, once I get past it, then 7 didn't seem longer than 8 or either longer than 5.  So hopefully, 10 doesn't seem longer either.  Also, I'm in need of a better sports bra for running.  If you have any suggestions, please leave me a comment.

Whew!!! I made it through my second week!  Because of being out of town earlier last week, I did miss 2 workouts at Curves, so ended up exercising 5 days last week - 4 of those running, and 1 at Curves. There was no soreness to battle this week (jumping for joy), even with using the "somewhat hilly" - uh, I'd say really hilly - outdoor walk/run path at my hotel. 


Here's how my training for last week went (I'm following the Weight Watchers "Walk-It Challenge" Train to Run a 5k plan):

• Tuesday = 5 minutes walking, 3 minutes running/3 minutes walking x 4, 5 minutes walking
• Thursday = same
• Saturday = 5 minutes walking, 5 minutes running/3 minutes walking x 3, 5 minutes walking.
• Sunday = 5 minutes walking, 5 minutes running, 3 minutes walking x 2, 5 minutes walking.

Again, I made it through all 4 days, and I ran the suggested amount of time and DIDN'T HAVE TO STOP YAY!

Saturday and Sunday were FREEZING here!  When I ran yesterday it was only 39 degrees out.  I had to dig out gloves!  It's May... I guess Mother Nature did not get the memo. 

On Sunday, it was a treat to have my husband and "L" tag along with me.  I walked with them for the walking portions, and ran ahead and back for my running time.  "L" (2 years old) kept yelling at me on the running portions, "Mommy, come back I need you."  Very cute!

This week we get into 7-8 minute runs.  I am still asking myself... am I crazy?  No need to answer that one.

I suppose I should introduce myself.  I'm Sarah.  I'm 33 years old, and I'm still fat, but not as fat as I was 18 months ago. 

You see ... as of today I've managed to lose 91.8 pounds.  I know the next question.  I hear it several days a week.  How'd you do it?  I don't have any voodoo magic to share with you.  Sorry!  Here's my secret... huddle in now... wait for it... I strictly watch what I eat EVERY single day, right it all down, and I exercise most days a week, usually instead of doing something like going out for lunch, or happy hour.  Not very fun huh? 
But much better to be this:

Yikes!!! That hurts my eyes people.  Seriously... How did I let that happen?    Well.... I let it happen over many many many years of being overweight, obese... fat.  Whatever you want to call it, I was it.  I was the fat kid, the fat teenager, the fat bride, and finally the fat pregnant lady.  I loved myself, I had good friends/family, and I felt people accepted me, but  It all came down around me on August 9, 2007. 

See that sweet boy sitting on my lap in the scary picture above?  That's my sweet baby that was born that night.  Let's call him "L".  He was born 5 weeks early, weighed 3 lbs 4 oz, and spent 27 days in the NICU at the hospital.  He was born early because I developed HELLP syndrome - a very serious and rare from of preeclampsia that can lead to liver failure and even maternal death.  L and I, we're lucky.  We both came out of it relatively unscathed.  Sure, he's a little small, but it hasn't effected his ability to flourish one bit.  After L was born I continued my "old lifestyle" for over a year before I was finally told flat out by my doctor that my weight was likely a "contributing factor" to my pregnancy issues - oh yeah there were multiple issues, but let's not go there right now.  I was also advised to lose weight prior to any more pregnancies.  WOW!  I almost killed myself and this sweet little boy, because I like bon-bons too much?  That was a selfish thing to do.  And so, the very next week I walked into Weight Watchers and vowed to change myself.  I had to... I had that sweet little boy to think about now. 

And that pretty much brings you to now.  I've followed Weight Watchers since October 2008.  Let's see that's 18 months!!! I lost my first 50 lbs with no exercise, and then last April I started going to Curves.  Oh yeah... and now I've lost my last piece of sanity and am signed up to run a 5k in June.  June 12, 2010 to be exact.  It will be a day that lives in infamy.  See, my family, we are not runners.  So, stay tuned for that one.  I just started training this week, and will have a post coming soon.

In closing (isn't that how you were taught to write an essay... it has been a long time people).  I have a favorite quote.  "A journey of a thousand miles, must begin with a single step"
- Lao Tzu
I live by that every day!