This past Saturday morning I was up bright and early.  I got myself ready… got my children ready and ate an English Muffin with peanut butter for fuel.  We drove – all 4 of us – to Lake Como in St. Paul.  I picked up my number and my shirt.  I have to say the shirt color… not a huge fan of – I’ll call it “baby poop” for lack of a better description. 

I was about to run in my first 5k since the fall of 2010.  I was about to celebrate my weight loss accomplishments with a bunch of other runners and walkers. 

It was the Challenge Obesity 5k put on by Charities  Challenge.


I pinned my number on and went back to wait in my car.  It was probably around 40 degrees and pretty chilly out to stand around for another 20 minutes.  I suddenly realized I should have probably worn gloves.  Oh well… too late for that now.  I knew once I started moving I’d quickly warm up.

I found Mariah and Samien who I knew were also participating. 

My biggest mistake was that I did not line myself up appropriately.  I went to the back of the group.  I sort of forgot there were runners and walkers, and also I misjudged my own abilities when it comes to running.  I’m not fast, but apparently I’m faster than I think.  I spent the first 5 minutes trying to get into a pace, and find my spot, as the course was so jumbled with people that were clogging up the small path and going much slower than I wanted to go.  It was definitely frustrating, and I’m pretty sure I could have finished about 2 minutes faster if I got a better start, but my goal on this race was never speed… it was participation and finishing.  I also got my iPod on the wrong playlist, and had some issues trying to switch it over and keep running, but I finally got that solved as well. 


A 5k is 2 laps around Lake Como.  The first lap around the lake was easy.  I had my slow start and just as I was getting into a rhythm I was already around once.  It was the second lap where I started to feel it.  On my last training run before Saturday, I was only up to running 14 minute intervals with 2 minute walks in between.  So by the time I was around the lake once, I had run further than I had in over a year!  I remember a few minutes into my second lap around look back and seeing the pavilion barely behind me… I was disappointed that I wasn’t covering ground quickly enough, and I didn’t think it would be possible for me to not stop and walk soon.


I listened to Dara Maclean’s Free.  It is like my theme song right now.  I hit the back button on the iPod and listened to it again.

It has these words, which I find so incredibly poignant not only to running this race, but my entire journey, my weight loss, my pregancy, my miracle baby, and the day to day struggles we continue to live in the midst of:
"My strength alone will never be enough
But Your arms keep lifting me up

You tell me I've been made free
You give me everything I need to walk in my dreams
You whisper words that free my soul
You're the reason I have hope
You're everything I need and more
You made me
You made me free

I was caged in, then You opened
Every door that held me bound and You gave me the key
No more pressure I can just breathe
The girl I tried so hard to be, has always been me"

I rounded the last bend to the finish line, and several other runners around me started congratulating me and I them. 

I saw my family, and the finish line.

I crossed it! - HECK yeah I'm happy... check out that smile!

Goal #2 accomplished!

I did it!

I walked over to my family.   “L” gave me a huge hug and looked right at me and asked, “Mama?  You winned?” 
I looked at him and with the biggest smile I said, “Yep, I winned!” 
He beamed even brighter, “You did?  You really did?” 
“Yep honey, I really did.” 
He ran over to his daddy yelling, “I can’t believe it, mama winned!” 
I love that boy!

Teaching him to cheer on other runners

Overall I finished in 46^th place and 7^th in my age group of out 20 people.
And best of all... I winned!  In so many ways.

Happy New Year!  Yes, yes, I know its already 4 days in... I'm a little slow preoccupied these days yet, but I really, really wanted to get back here and set up my goals for 2012.  I am determined to make this the year that I reclaim myself.

You'll remember (or not if you are new... by the way, welcome) that last year I set out some specific goals, and then pregnancy happened, and that pregnancy turned into a sweet pumpkin named Lily, who just happened to be missing an "X" chromosome, and who threw us all for a loop.  So.. my year did not turn out at all like I imagined, and my goals pretty much went to the wayside.

Enter 2012.  The year that I am determined to reclaim the skinny me and my sanity.

Goal #1:  Reclaim the skinny Sarah.  Fit back into my pants.
So... its the typical New Year's resolution if you want to call it that.  The difference is for me this is a goal not a resolution.  In 9 months I gained 45ish pounds.  I had a 5 pound baby, and I lost 2 pounds.  HA!  Not kidding.  When I weighed in back at Weight watchers 2 weeks ago, I was up 43 pounds from my goal weight.  I have since lost around 3 pounds.  I am wearing 14s and 16s, when last year at this time I was a svelte 8.  I hate not fitting into my pants.  They were cute pants, they were nice pants.  I liked them.  So, 2012 is my year to fit back into my pants again.

It took me 9 months to gain 40+ pounds and I am just fine with it taking 9 months to a year to lose them.  I know what is realistic for me.  I'm not a loser of 2 pounds + a week.  My average weight loss the first time down was 1 pound a week.  At my last weigh in I was around 215.  My goal weight is 175.  I'd like to be down to 199.9 by my birthday in March.  It's March 22.  I have around 11 weeks.  I'd like to be down the other 25 pounds by the end of this year. 

Realistic goals!  I can do this.  I will make this happen.  I know exactly what to do.  I'm a pro at this weight loss stuff.  I lost 115 pounds before, 40 should be a.piece.of.cake!  But I'm still scared.  Scared to fail, scared to be fat.

On the way to reclaiming my skinny self, and my old pants, I'd like to restart a "formal" exercise program this year.  I'm not sure what this means right now.  I haven't run since sometime late last February.  My first step is to figure out what form of exercise and where to exercise will work best for me in this season - tired mother with small infant and preschool son- of my life.  I've considered rejoining Curves as I know it works and its a 30 minute commitment.  I want to run, and I may start up the "run a 5k program" I did before, in the spring once it is lighter later in the evenings.

Goal #2:  Reclaim my sanity
This one is just slighter harder to put out here, as it involves my mental health, and sometimes I think that is a side of myself I'd rather just hide away.  But I feel it needs to be said.  Last year sucked.  It drained the life out of me with my traumatic pregnancy... not to mention the hormones.  I have some lingering issues.  Sometimes I feel sad... really really sad, and I'm not always 100% sure why.  But even a bigger concern is my anxiety levels recently are sky high.  I worry about stuff... and not just little things, but big things... like my kids dying, car accidents, bad things happening to my family.  It is freaky.  I'm nearly positive it is a result of the stress of my pregnancy that has done this to me, but I don't want to live in this stupid constant fear, anger, and sadness. 

I think the food I put in my mouth and finding exercise to do will play a huge role in helping me in this area, as I'm a big believer that physical health and mental health are closely tied together, but I am not going to be ashamed to reach out for help to a therapist/counselor this year to process the events of 2011. 

And so... I will reclaim my sanity, and at the end of 2012, I will be a skinny, sane girl in cute pants!  Shoot for the stars, right?

2012 is going to be better.  I am ready and willing to work on my body, mind, and soul, and discover new lessons along the way.  Welcome 2012... I like you better already.