Life with this little one never seems to have a dull moment.  I think I forgot how bittersweet these early weeks can be... and how exhausting!  True to her personality, Lily has decided that she will not do things the way that people (aka doctors) would like her too.  As proven time and time again, even before her birth, she is not one to follow the "rules", however upsetting that may be to her mother.  You would think given all we've been through this year, that I would somehow be able to easily relinquish control, but no, I still try and make things go my way, when I am definitely not the one in control.

She is 18 days old, and still is 3 oz shy of her regaining her birth weight.  Most babies are back to their birth weight's by 2 weeks old.  Am I surprised?  No... really not.  This is Lily after all, and she does things the way she does them.  Am I frustrated.  You bet.  Best of all... this is officially known as "Failure to Thrive"

Now as a mother... no, make that post-partum, hormonal, C-section recovering mother - giving a label of "failure" is enough to make you sit around and do some major crying.  I'm not sure who thought up that term, but honestly they ought to be banished into Siberia or something!  Being told your baby is not growing... or at least not growing fast enough has to be one of the worst things someone can tell a new mother.  My sole responsibility right now is to feed this baby... and now that's turned to failure!  UGH!

You'd think that little babies love to wake up and cry and cry telling you they are hungry.... not Lily.  I actually have to set my alarm so that I can wake up to feed her.  After yesterday at the doctor our routine goes a little like this:

Wake up baby.
Take off all baby's clothes, because it is impossible to wake her.
Breastfeed for 20 minutes
Offer a bottle with "weight gainer 3000" formula
Watch as baby squirms and chokes on the bottle only to find out she's taken less than 1/2 an ounce, and has officially clamped her jaws shut, and is now giving you a look of betrayal.
Coax baby to please take more.
Plead with baby to let you control her.
Repeat for 40 minutes.
Give up and bang head against the wall, sure that she is going to end up in the hospital with an NG tube, like "L" did.
Go to the bathroom, get a drink, settle back in, and now since 90 minutes has elapsed, collapse into completely non-restful sleep and repeat again in 90 minutes!

So... if you see me and I seem a little crazy, you know why.
And if I have to hear that stupid word failure one more time... I'm going to officially lose it!

You'd think with the genes my children have they would be really good at gaining weight!