Week 35 Pregnancy Update
September 07, 2011Last night I spent a little time reading through most of my blog posts (at least the bigger ones) about this pregnancy. What a little trip down memory lane. And for the most part, it was a good trip. A reminder of where we have come from since 19 weeks. I remember that Thursday morning in May as if it was yesterday. I remember my OB telling me he was so sorry, and I remember walking out of the office feeling like someone had punched me in the gut, and sitting down on the little bench just outside the door and bawling my eyes out, and screaming, "Why?" I remember looking at my husband and gritting my teeth through the tears, and saying "Why doesn't anything ever work out for me?" I had spent the last 2+ years prepping my body to carry this baby. I felt betrayed, abandoned, and filled with the most immense sadness I can't even think of the words to describe. It was raining that day. It was raining hard. It was fitting.
As the weeks went on I shared my story, and I started getting notes of encouragement and prayers. From people who had walked similar journeys as well as ones that hadn't. Some of their stories touched me deeply. I found out that people all over the world were praying for my baby! I still had a lot of days of bitterness, but some of my bitterness turned as the days and weeks passed. I endured doctor appointment, after appointment of different hypotheses and guesses as to what was wrong with our baby, so many so that I received a printed list, on an 8-1/2 x 11 sheet of paper, single spaced, of every "guess" last Thursday at my appointment. The "guesses" took up 3/4 of the page! I still heard what the doctor's said at each appointment, but at some point, I stopped listening. And while I comprehend every word of what they've told me, and I've done a ton of research to make sure I'm educated enough to make important decisions on behalf of my daughter, I stopped trying along with them to guess what this baby would be like when she was born. I finally said "I don't care anymore" after I was offered a second MRI.
Today I find myself at 36 weeks pregnant. 1 week and a day past any previous pregnancy, and 1 week until I'm officially full term. I have dreamed of getting to this point, longed for it, and now, I'm not going to lie... I am terrified that it's almost here! Maybe even more so than earlier on. I have conjured up images of what this baby will look like when we meet her face to face - everything from the horrifying to the not so bad. I have filed every ultrasound picture I've been given immediately away, and barely looked at any of them again.
Then yesterday... at my appointment I saw this on the screen:
And the only word I could think of in my head was.... PERFECT!
I didn't think of birth defects, or chromosomal conditions, I didn't hear the word trisomy, Turner Syndome, or flat profile, I didn't think about encephaloceles, enlarged hearts, hydrops, or small limbs. I didn't even recall the moment I was asked after my 19 week ultrasound, "What do you want to do?"
I saw a baby's face... a nose that looks like her brother's... and perfect, and maybe even slightly chubby cheeks.
No matter what happens - whether we get a happy ending or a not so happy one - I know one thing. My daughter is perfect, and every agonizing minute of this journey has been 100% worth it.
Happy last week of pregnancy to me!
22 comments
Oh my word, Sarah. She is stunning! Look at those lips! It almost looks like she's puckering them. Maybe she was trying to blow you a kiss. :) Perfection!
ReplyDeleteShe looks so cute in there! Yay for being almost done and meeting her:)
ReplyDeleteCannot wait to meet her. Where do you deliver... I will bring the wine! CWWL
ReplyDeleteSarah she is beautiful! This picture is just amazing. She's breathtaking!
ReplyDeleteShe is absolutely BEAUTIFUL! She looks beyond perfect! I love your last paragraph. Made me smile!
ReplyDeleteShe is so amazingly beautiful. I have tears of joy at just how lovely she is. Happy final week! You are in my thoughts. -Suusa
ReplyDeleteBeautiful!! Fearfully and wonderfully made!! May the Lord be with all of you!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteHoping my "perfect" baby will be as beautiful and as perfect as yours looks in this amazing picture! -Jessica
ReplyDeleteShe is beautiful! I've been thinking about you and your precious little girl.
ReplyDeleteTears of joy - keeping you and your precious baby girl,
ReplyDeletealong with the rest of your family, in my prayers. Louise
What a beautiful child . . . looks like her mom!
ReplyDeleteI am not religious in any way, shape or form but I must admit I said a little prayer for you and your daughter after reading your post. Good luck to you and thanks for sharing your journey!
ReplyDeleteShe is beautifully and wonderfully made. Congratulations mama, I can hardly wait until you get to meet her!
ReplyDeleteI cried when I saw her lovely little face and read your words. Praying for all of you! Liz (a friend of Brian and Susan's)
ReplyDeleteBeautiful and I can't wait to hear how perfect she is! Thanks for sharing this journey with all of us! You are very strong and courageous!
ReplyDeleteSarah...your precious little daughter is beautiful. A child created by God for some great purpose...what was he thinking I say as you have too but look at the final Masterpeice. YOu are going to love her, protect and cherish her even more than you do right now. I said at the beginning of this that I had a story to tell of my grandson who was born with Down Syndrome. I will share it with you one day. Blessings and love to you as you finish up this pregnancy. Please let us know when your little gift arrives and how she is doing. Susan I have prayed for you and cried for you thru your journey. thank you so much for sharing.
ReplyDeleteI signed my name Susan but continued to write. It kind of looks like I am calling you Susan...I am not:)
ReplyDeleteShe is the picture of perfection--how precious
ReplyDeleteYou are an awesome mother, Sarah! You, your little miracle and your family are in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteSarah, When the post first came up I of course was drawn to the image and my first words (before I read your post) were "She's perfect!" I agree that those cheeks do look kind of plump. Kissably plump!
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy for you and your blessing. And still think it's neat she's to be born on my birthday. :) I'll continue to pray for you and your family.
Lynae
What a precious picture. I have read your journey and had tears for you and your family. The unknowing is so hard and we dwell on the negatives, But, looking at that picture, you can see a precious little daughter who loos georgeous. have fun with the pink outfits. Blessings, to you and your family Sarah.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful picture.. she looking very beautiful.
ReplyDeleteI LOVE hearing your thoughts and feedback. Please leave me a comment