I am 34 weeks and I am sick (again) with a horrible cold.  I decided, I want my immune system back, thank you!  Last time I had a cold it spiked my blood pressure, so I'm thinking with an impending doctor appointment tomorrow, tonight might be a good night to pack my hospital bag - the number 1 task I keep putting off.

I wanted to thank all of you for your kind emails and comments after my last pregnancy update, about how overwhelmed I am.  While, I am still overwhelmed, I did cross a few things off my list, including installing the infant carseat in the back of my car.  Can I just say how incredibly strange it is to look back there and see not 1, but 2 carseats?  Its also probably one of the biggest leaps of faith of my life, because putting it in there means that somewhere deep down, I believe that I will at some point, be bringing this baby home to permanently join our family.  I wouldn't have done this at 19 weeks, 24 weeks, or even 28 weeks.  But, I was ready to make that leap this past weekend.

After tomorrow, I will only have 3 doctor's appointments until I hopefully deliver on the 16th!  Next week will be the last growth scan of the baby... grow baby girl, grow, grow, grow!

Shamefully I admit that I have so far gained 44 pounds!  YIKES!  How did that happen?  I am working on a post about concrete goals post-pregnancy, and how I intend to get back to my lifetime goal weight, even if I have a baby in the hospital, have extra stress, and despite anything else that comes my way.  I know it is not going to be easy, but I thought that laying it out there will help me be prepared.  I'm also very excited to buy and fit in fun clothes again.  As fall nears, I see these beautiful outfits, but can't buy anything!  At least it is easier on my wallet that way, right?

I have quite a bit of fear going into this week.  This was the week I got sick with my son and developed HELLP syndrome.  He was delivered at 34 weeks and 6 days.  I can't help, but think about that as I pass through this week.  From the moment I had a positive pregnancy test back in January, I couldn't help but be scared about getting HELLP again.  I thought I would dread it the whole pregnancy.  Well... then the Bubble Burst at my 19 week ultrasound, and it wasn't about me focusing on my health concerns anymore.  It was about all of the concerns with the baby.  While it has been a terrifying and horrible distraction from my own issues, it was a distraction none-the-less.  I have come full circle to focusing back on myself, and worrying a little about myself.  I admit it, I'm scared, and while the baby, as always, can use your extra thoughts and prayers, I could use a few in the coming weeks as well.