I have arrived at 32 weeks.  I'm tired, my hips ache as they pull apart to allow more room for this little girl to grow...and I'm starting to waddle.  But you know what?  I will not change one minute of it.  I am not supposed to be here, and the fact that I am far outweighs any of this.

Yesterday after walking around the zoo in the afternoon, we had to hike up a hill to get back to our car.  My legs felt horrible!  I wasn't even sure I would make it at one point, my pelvis felt like it was pulling apart.  I hate the fact that these are the same legs that carried me while I ran 3.1 miles twice last summer and fall.  I even mentioned to my husband it is hard to believe I once could do that. 

I've noticed a definite change in my belly this week.  Tomorrow is our first growth scan in 3 weeks.  At the last one the baby was a little smaller (6-8 oz) than most baby's her gestational age.  I'm really hoping she is growing well, because if she isn't I'm really not sure why I keep getting bigger!

This afternoon was an appointment with a neurosurgeon.  I can tell you what we found out was certainly not shocking... he does not know if this is or isn't an encephalocele.  He has reviewed both my MRI and previous ultrasounds, and cannot say that he see's a positive connection between the "mass" and the brain.  Its possible, but they just don't know.  Tell me something I don't know, right?  He did tell us that he is leaning less towards it being an encephalocele because again (not new news to us) the brain structure appears normal on both the ultrasound and MRI.  The only thing that appears abnormal is the structure itself, and some excess fluid that is surrounding the skull at the point of it. 

We've been told that it is unlikely an exam of the baby will even reveal what its true identity is, and the baby would require an MRI after birth.  Oh goody!  The only person in our family that would not have an MRI within this past year then is my husband.  Did I mention I have good hospital coverage, and pay co pays for visits, but MRI I pay for at much higher rate?  Nope... oh well... I do.  Goodbye savings account... I liked you while you lasted.

Beyond that, I asked... "well... if it isn't an encephalocele, then what is it?"  I was told that would be outside his specialty... ah yes... appreciate the honesty but once again thanks for the visit for non-answers.

I know no one knows the truth.  I understand the limits of science, but I don't want to take another half day off work, pay gas, parking, and co pays, to have another doctor to tell me what they don't know.