I've been hit fairly hard in the past week with what I'll refer to as nesting.  As much as I'd like to fight it, and as tired as I'm feeling, I have this insane urge to clean and organize... and not really things that NEED to be cleaned and organized - i.e. those in plain view - but instead cupboards and basements, and other areas that are out of view.  I've also been a bit freaked out about not really "being ready" for this baby.  Now, I'm not sure what "being ready" even means.  I've asked Dr. P what I should prepare for as far as bringing a baby home or not, and she kind of just shakes her head and tells me she doesn't have a good answer. 
I'm stuck in that stupid place of limbo, where I can't plan once again.  I guess this baby will have a place to sleep at least, and we have some blankets from "L" and probably a week's worth of newborn clothes.  Diapers can always be purchased as needed at the last minute, right?  I still have to dig my breast pump out of the basement somewhere, but I'll find that soon... I hope.  I don't want to plan too much, because the thought of having to deal with the aftermath if something horrible happens - which in all honesty is really still the more statistically significant scenario (although long ago I decided that I don't do statistics) - is too much for me.  At the same time, I don't want to plan too little either, otherwise I'll be stuck without some basic things we need.  Sorry... but all of this really just downright sucks - how poetic, I know, but I can't think of better words right now.

Sunday was no exception to the nesting bug.  I found myself rather suddenly in the mist of cleaning out the corner cupboard in our kitchen.  This is a cupboard that I'll lovingly refer to as a "junk cupboard".  Yes... I have a junk drawer too.  I guess I just have a lot of junk.  If we are actually going to eventually bring a baby home to live here, I need more space for things like bottles and breast milk containers.  So it before increasingly clear to me that I needed to clean the junk cupboard - STAT!

As I sat in the middle of the hard floor 7 months pregnant, I started thinking about the inevitable mess that this new baby would bring upon our house.  We have trucks and trains and books and games already piled high in our living room.  I closed my eyes for a minute and envisioned dolls and little strollers and Polly pockets and whatever else little girls play with - please excuse this mom of a boy's inadequacy in this area.  I envisioned what a giant mess it would all be trying to contain the "needs" of 2 children of opposite sexes, born 4 years apart.  A mandatory trip to IKEA jumped into my mind for a minute, and then you know what?  I felt a huge smile come over my face.

All I could manage to think in that moment was - BRING ON THE MESS!  I'd love to blessed by the messes this baby might bring.  Lord knows she has brought enough "mess" into our otherwise somewhat formerly orderly lives already!