Today I'm 21 weeks pregnant.
What has happened this week? 

I've had pretty much little if any nausea - yay for that... finally!

On Sunday I did a 24 hour urine capture... wow, that was NOT fun.  Basically you put all of your pee in a giant jug and haul it into the hospital 24 hours later for review.  At the same time, my doctor had ordered some basic preeclampsia lab work to be done.  This all serves as a baseline to compare to should I start to show signs of preeclampsia.  Before I got pregnant, I was told that due to my history I had a 60% chance of a repeat of some sort of preeclampsia.  I've only been told that now with the baby's complications my chances are "higher"... no clue exactly how much higher, and honestly statistics mean nothing to me now that I've hit a .2% chance of something happening... twice!  If your wondering, I don't lottery tickets, as it is never the good things that hit me this way.

I still think I look "wide" rather than pregnant.  I don't have a stick out type of belly, but its definitely rounding out.  I can feel the top of my uterus right at my belly button now.  Lots of stretching pain the last week too, especially in the last couple of days.

I think this baby's legs are getting stronger!  Sunday and Monday I didn't feel a ton of movement.  I was scared, and feeling really down.  I guess the baby was resting and growing, because yesterday and today I starting feeling some major kung fu going down in there.  It makes me feel like she's strong when I feel those kicks.  It gives me small moments of hope.

I wanted to leave you with this picture of our daughter... well, really just her finger and foot.  We received these 2 weeks ago, and only today have I been able to bring myself to   look at them.

Baby Foot!



Tiny little fingers

I have to admit, I have been staring at these for awhile, and have been thinking how perfect her foot and fingers look - how amazing and thoughtfully designed she was... and yet at the same time, I know she has a large hygroma, and is not thriving as she should be.  I try and try to understand it all, and find that I can't.  I don't know that I'll ever be able to.  Trying is so exhausting sometimes.

How can things be both so right and yet, so wrong?