Last Wednesday I had to head to downtown Minneapolis for an appointment.  Since the appointment was at 4:30 pm, I decided I had no desire to sit in traffic headed out of the city on my way home, and so I took the light rail train downtown.  I used to frequent the light rail train, since my husband used to work downtown, and we often went out for various delicious and often expensive dinners pre-child.  Ah... how times have changed... in more ways than that too! 

I remember a couple of years ago the dread of riding on public transit.  It would go something like this:
Bite nails as I stood nervously and looked around to see how busy the platform was.  Stand near very few other people for the best chance to get a single seat when the train comes.  Board train and search frantically for seat where there is no one else sitting.  Then either, 1 - breathe a sigh of relief once I get a seat alone OR 2 - have to sit next to someone and curl my (rather large) body up as small as possible to fit in the allotted butt space.

Yep... it was kind of horrifying to say the least.

But this past Wednesday it went more like this: 
Enjoy brisk walk from the park and ride to the platform.  Bask in the small amount of sun, and marvel at its warmth.  Think how good it feels to move body.  Stand on platform and don't even think about the amount of people mulling around.  Board whatever car is closest when the train stops, and look around for any seat.  Find an aisle seat next to a non-descript man with headphones reading a newspaper.  Sit butt in seat and wait to feel squished... wait for it... wait for it... wait... uh I wasn't squished, and looking down at my butt and thighs I realized that I fit perfectly in the allotted butt space.  Smile secretly to self about fitting into the butt space, and make a note to write a blog posted about butt space soon.

WOW... what an fun and amazing difference!  I know I've said this before, but finally not being fat is so freeing!  I am finally allowed to live my life like a normal person.  I don't have to be afraid of these types of situations... and I don't have to plan in advance for them - planning my life around them.  I am free to finally live my life without the fear of what being fat will mean in public and social situations.  I'm still figuring it out, but I have to say - I LOVE IT so far! 

While on the train, I couldn't help but notice a woman that was taking up 1-3/4 spaces in the 3 seat section.  There was another man sitting in the third seat near her.  I saw her always looking around at every stop, and I could tell that she was really nervous that someone might come and want need to sit next to her.  I know that dread.  I know that fear.  It's horrible!  I felt for her... that women was me... 2 years ago.  It was like looking in a time-warp mirror. 

I hope someday she can ride the train and know what it feels like to be liberated from that feeling...to be free.  Free from the constant worry that being fat will embarrass you, or even worse, inconvenience someone else.  Now that I don't have to spend my energy on that anymore, I can say that I have way more time and energy to concentrate on life and the things that really matter.