1 year ago today I created this blog… taking a leap of faith… and posted my first entry. I was in my first week ever of running - I had just committed to running a 5k - an activity I swore I would NEVER once again do after completing high school gym class.  My family thought I was crazy, when I told them I was going to run a 5k, and so Fat Little Legs was born!  Amazing, amazing things have happened in the year since.

I ran my first 5k
Then I made goal
Then I made lifetime
Then I ran another 5k in honor of my dad
Then I made lifetime
I cried... and I cried some more
I got pregnant and am trying to trust my body
and finally ... I was in the Star Tribune

WOW… a year ago, I would have NEVER considered that all of those things would be on a list of my highlights and accomplishments from this past year.  It kind of makes me wonder if all years after this are going to be sort of anti-climatic.

Not only did I do all these things, but I learned all of these things too:

-- I can do anything I set my mind to - lose 100 pounds or even run 20 minutes straight

-- You will always think there is a better time to lose weight - next week, when summer hits, when the kids go back to school, January first, Monday... but the best time to start is RIGHT NOW.  What are you waiting for?  I waited a good 15 years to finally start, and my ONLY regret is that I wish I had done this earlier.

-- No matter how much weight I lose I will NEVER have a flat stomach, or visibly toned arms, unless I have surgery.  I will look 15 pounds heavier than I really am, because of my extra skin.  I will look horrible naked, and in a swimming suit.  I will either have to be OK with that, or schedule surgery.  I will try to remember that my excess skin is my badge of honor for winning this fight!  I have to remember to wear it with pride.

-- The number on the scale does not, and will NEVER define who I am.  It doesn't define who you are either.

-- A good fitting pair of jeans will make you feel like a hundred bucks!

And now, just like in those annoying awards shows, I feel like I have a cast of characters that I need to thank - in no particular order:

My husband - apparently the reason the Star Tribune reporter called me was because of him.  He wrote an email to them telling about my weight loss accomplishments and my blog.  He puts up with me taking pictures of food, arrangements of groceries, and other strange things for use on my blog, and he probably gets ignored more nights than not, because I am working on my blog, or writing up a new post.  He also never complained about any "healthy food" I made or had in the house, and always accepted that our house was pretty void of junk food.  Thanks honey... I love you!

My CWWL - I kind of feel in a way like you are my Weight Watchers mother.  You were there through this whole journey for me.  You always made me feel like this was possible, and you never gave up on me.  You listened to me complain and celebrated my successes with me.  You ran with me.  I am eternally grateful.

My son "L" - It was you who inspired me in the first place.  Had you not been the unique, wonderful person that you are, I wouldn't have embarked on this journey.

My 2 older sisters - for the nick name "Fat Little Legs" which makes a pretty catchy blog name for a formerly fat girl!

My God - Who always knows best.  The night "L" was born I thought he had given up on me.  I felt like I had given up on him.  But one thing I've learned about God... especially in the past few years, is that his grand plan is not our grand plan, and is certainly not always apparent to us when we are in the midst of pain and suffering.  Sometimes it takes years or even a lifetime before he finally reveals his plans.  I'm so glad to now be on the other side of that plan.  To know that the strife of my pregnancy and the stress of dealing with a nicu baby was all a part of his plan for my life to be forever changed.  Awesome and powerful to reflect on.

And you... my readers - Thank you for the hundreds of kind comments and emails you have sent to me over the past year.  Please know that I read each and every one of them.  Knowing that someone is reading and watching, kept me going when I wanted to give up, kept me running when I wanted to stop, kept me focused when I started to stumble. 

Thank you for reading and following my journey.  I hope you will continue to follow my journey as I have my second baby later this year, and have the opportunity to lose weight all over again! CHEERS!

I really haven't felt I had much to say since Friday.  I do want to thank those that commented on my last post for their kind comments.  I am still trying to work through my fears about this pregnancy, and while I feel moments of peace, I still have many more moments of fear than peace at this point.

That and we were busy having some Easter fun:

Our gaggle of eggs

Have bucket will travel!

Here I am today at 17 weeks.  I just completed my 16th week of pregnancy.  I'm only 2 weeks away from the BIG ultrasound where we hope to find out the gender of this little one.  I am excited and very nervous at the same time.

A couple of days ago something in my hip misaligned.  Basically I feel like my hip is out of socket.  I had this starting around 10 weeks with "L" so I am glad that I at least made it further this time.  My chiropractor told me that my body produced too much relaxin hormone too quickly, loosening up my hip ligaments and joints more than it should have.  Whatever it is, it isn't much fun, and it kind of makes me walk funny now.

Nausea... check still about 50%+ of the time.  Better than worse, better than worse, and repeat.  I did find out this week that it is possible to dry heave AND sneeze at the same time!  Speaking of sneezing, I have been doing a ton of it, and my nose runs constantly.  Guessing this is just another side effect of the condition of pregnancy that seems to hate my body for some reason.

I feel like I am complaining... a lot.  I'm sorry.  I know we are so incredibly blessed, and we are so excited, and happy.  I seriously forgot though, how tough pregnancy seems to be on my body.  I think it confirms for me that this will be my last biological child.

Ending on a positive thought - I'm fairly certain that I've been feeling little baby movements for the past week or so.  You'd think being a second-timer I'd know for sure, but they are so light and so quick that I start to doubt whether it was a muscle twitching or my stomach grumbling.  It actually feels very much like a muscle twitching.  Over the weekend, I was almost certain though that I felt several more deliberate movements!  It does finally make this all feel a bit more real.

Today I want to reflect on fear.  Why?  Because it is the emotion that has been consuming me lately.  And, for some reason no matter what your struggle (weight, depression, dependency issues, unemployment, etc. etc.) I think there comes a time where we all deal with fear.  This may come as a surprise to you, but I have been consumed with fear over the past week or so.  I've had constant thoughts of something bad going wrong with this pregnancy.  My history doesn't help me to conquer this fear very much since I was a statistic last time.  Yesterday, as I sat and thought about the intense fear and the resulting anxiety I was feeling I knew I could not live in this reality for the next 23 or so weeks (the Lord willing).

So I asked myself... what is the worst thing that can happen?
- I could die.
- My baby could die.
- We could both die.
- I could have major complications again
- I could have a preemie
- I could have a baby spend days, weeks, and even months in the NICU
- There could be something wrong with my baby (i.e. a birth defect)
- The baby might have growth issues

Facing that those are my fears was shocking, but incredibly freeing.  Seeing them down in print, and acknowledging they are real was important. 

So next, I asked myself, what can I do to try and calm some of these fears? 
Well... maybe I should take a lesson from my 3 year old son.  See, we have this Jesus action figure in our house (don't even ask...) and right now "L" is too scared to go down the hall to his bedroom and turn the light on in the dark by himself, so in his very own words "I'll bring God with me so I'm not scared." and down he marches down the hall as brave as can be with the Jesus figurine in his hand.  Little kids are so obviously smart sometimes.

Here is my comfort:
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. (Psalm 23:4)

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. (Deuteronomy 31:6)

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. (John 14:27)

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10)

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.  When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.” (Isaiah 43:1-3)

The LORD is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear?

The LORD is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid?
Psalm 27:1

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understand, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7


My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. 2 Corinthians 12:9


I'm not nervous... I'm terrified... I'm scared to death, but I trust that the same God who loved me enough to send his only son to die for me on the cross so many thousands of years ago, the God of peace, will calm my heart and my mind.

Conquer your fear this Good Friday.

I just completed week 15 of my pregnancy!  Kind of a boring week to be honest.  And in my book boring = good.  No doctors appointments, no major milestones, no new symptoms to report... not really much at all.

The good news... Monday, I appeared to turn the corner on the nausea front.  The last few days have been good.  Not great, but good, and I will definitely take that.  Now I'm just crossing my fingers it lasts!  If it would just warm up - instead of snow - yes seriously, it is snowing RIGHT NOW - I would love to be able to get outside for some exercise. 

Speaking of exercise... at this point, I haven't run since the second week of February, which is when I started with the nausea.  Because of that, I will definitely be walking for the rest of this pregnancy versus running.  While I know running is perfectly safe while pregnant, I feel this is the best decision for me (and the baby).  Part of that decision is the knowledge that after nearly 2 months of ZERO activity, I don't think I'd be in any shape to continue a running program.  The other part is even when I was running I was having a lot of trouble keeping my heart rate under 140 bpm, which is what my doctor told me that I needed to do if I wanted to run during this pregnancy.  You know what... walking is good exercise, and definitely not for wimps!

My middle section is definitely starting to look thicker.  I don't think I look pregnant, just thicker - fatter!  I definitely wish I had that cute little definitive baby bump, instead of just a thick waist, but I don't.

As for "L"s room - the room is finished!  I finally moved the final pieces of furniture in, cleared the closet, and put together his dresser.  You like?

So we made it to Costco this weekend.  We spent an hour and a half there looking around, and finding things we "need".  We came back with this haul:
Yes you see little tomatoes and blackberries, boneless skinless chicken and 2 roasts.  Bread, a rotisserie chicken, some juice and fruit snacks for my son, a pineapple, cheddar and fresh mozzarella cheese, frozen mini pizzas, meatballs, jarred muffuletta mix (so tasty), 2 dressings/marinades.  But yes, you also see a giant bag of tortilla chips, some mini angel food cakes, and a JUG - no other way I can describe it - of chocolate- covered salted caramels... stupid food samples + being pregnant = coming home with the caramels.  I have to say, they are absolutely one of the most delicious specimens of caramel and chocolate I've ever had!  1 certainly makes a nice little portioned out treat... if you can stick with one.  You decide for yourself.

Overall I think we got a good haul, and I thank each of you for the suggestions you provided!  To my lovely sister who suggested wine... I have a sad, sad story.  The Minnesota government believes that wine should ONLY be sold in liquor stores, so our Costco sadly is wine free.  Big frowning face!  Oh yeah, and there's that pregnant thing that prevents me from drinking my beloved wine right now.  Note to self:  arrange for wine to be brought to hospital room upon delivery of baby #2.  Anyways... I guess I digress.

The presence of fresh tomatoes and fresh mozzarella cheese, and this find:
led me to create the yummiest pasta salad recipe on Saturday afternoon.
And so... without further ado I present to you:
Caprese Pasta Salad


Enjoy!

Did anyone see the study from earlier this week that Being a Parent May Result in Weight Gain?
Apparently, if you are a parent to a child or children under the age of 5 you are more likely to have a higher BMI and a lower level activity than people that are not parents, or not parents to children under the age of 5.

That scares me. I mean, I WAS that statistic – now have battled it, and am left wondering if I will be that statistic again. It is overwhelming to me at this point to think of finding time to make a healthy, whole meal, yet alone time for deliberate exercise while being a mom to 2 kids under 5!

So like anything I’ve been thinking the past few days, since seeing this article, how will I handle this when I have 2?

Here are a few things I came up with. It isn’t rocket science, but I think it’s important to plan and be deliberate:

Plan Meals – I need to make sure I continue to plan the meals that we will have weekly, and make sure to have the food in the house to readily make those meals. I think that cooking some things ahead on the weekend to allow for quick meals come dinner time will be important. I think it’s also important to have healthy snack options on hand at all times. I have the book- Fix, Freeze, Feast - and I plan on trying to do more freezer cooking before the baby is born this fall too.

Find a way to move my body every day – Not a ton of explanation needed here, but I need to move every day. Maybe this is parking farther away at the store, or taking extra stairs. Maybe it is a quick walk with kids in the stroller. Hey, it could even be some push ups or sit-ups while watching TV. It may be a while before I can get back to the scheduled gym workouts but that doesn’t mean I have an excuse to be a couch potato.

Play together as a family – Wow, what a simple, but important concept, don’t you think? I want my family to play together, even after Baby #2 is born. I want to be the mom that is outside playing catch with my son, and running around the backyard. We should make an effort to go on walks together – with baby in the stroller, and also hit up the playground regularly.

Breastfeed – I’m planning on trying to breastfeed as long as I can during the baby’s first year. With “L”, I made it about 8-9 months. I had lots of issues, since he was a preemie; it was NOT an easy road! I know that breastfeeding is very beneficial to helping mothers get back to their pre-pregnancy weight.

According to Dr. Sears “Breastfeeding mothers showed significantly larger reductions in hip circumference and more fat loss by one month postpartum when compared with formula-feeding moms. Breastfeeding mothers tend to have an earlier return to their pre-pregnant weight.” Source

Sounds good to me! I know breastfeeding mothers get more Points Plus values on Weight Watchers too! Win win.

Have Goals – If there is anything I learned when I first starting running nearly a year ago, it was to have specific goals. Challenging yourself is so important. If you don’t have goals, it’s hard to have motivation to get yourself moving, or make healthy choices when it comes right down to it. I will certainly have a goal to get back to my Weight Watchers goal weight, and then my pre-pregnancy weight after the baby is born. I also want to have an exercise goal. I haven’t decided specifically what that is yet, but I know I will have to think of something specific to get myself in gear again.

As parents, we are faced with unique challenges every single day. I won’t lie – it’s stressful! But, I don’t think there is a better gift that you can give your young one(s) than the gift of demonstrating for them what it means to be healthy for life.

Consider your own life – if you are a parent, what changes can you make in your life to make sure you don’t become – or stay a statistic.

Last Friday night I finally took the dive, and purchased my first "club membership".  Now I'm not talking club, as in health club, or even country club (I wish).  I'm talking warehouse club - specifically Costco.  They just built the biggest one in the state about 10 minutes from my house, and it opened late last year.  I figure I might need some diapers come fall, so it would be a good investment - yeah right - I'm sure I will spend way more than I save in diapers!  Plus, we always had a Costco in the town I grew up in, and I miss it. 

So... here I sit with a membership to Costco, and no clue what to buy there, besides boring old toilet paper!  What's a girl to do?  Of course, there that blog thing... I could ask my readers to help. 

So.... Tell me, what do you love to buy at Costco?  I want the specifics please - brands, where to find the item (freezer, by the cereal, deli, etc.), etc.  Help a girl out here. Pretty please!

Thanks in advance... and I'll promise to recap our first shopping trip there hopefully this weekend!

Another week… still feeling pukey. I’m not complaining… I asked for this to happen to me. I longed to be here, to be pregnant. But I won’t lie either, it is taking its tole on me – my energy level, and my tolerance for pretty much everyone around me.

Last Friday I had a doctor’s appointment – I was 14 weeks and 2 days. It was my second OB appointment. It was a really short appointment – bp 105/58 – super happy with that. Weight… um… ok… yeah I was actually up 8.5 pounds from last month – yikes! But – without trying to justify any of this – It was the late afternoon, I was wearing jeans and a sweatshirt – and last month’s appointment I was in much lighter clothes, and it was midday. According to my scale I am up 5.5 pounds from last month. I am OK with being up 5.5 pounds. I’m going by my scale.

Another highlight of the appointment:  hearing baby’s heartbeat – although it wasn’t without drama. Really, is there anything I do without drama? It seems not. The Dr. searched about 2 minutes for the heartbeat with no success. I was freaking out – especially since at my last appointment he found it so easily. Finally he found it for about 2 seconds, and lost it again. He finally found it again, and we have about 164 bpm as the official measure. Which is right on par with where "L"s heartbeat always was. He did tell me that my own heartbeat is so incredibly strong, it makes it more difficult. I wonder if that is because I have a strong heart or because I was so nervous?

The biggest news… my BIG ultrasound is scheduled in 1 month... May 12th! We can't wait to find out the sex of the baby.  "L" has declared its a girl.  He also declared that only girls have babies in their tummies.  I often wonder what he'll tell me next.

Cravings? Definitely still sweets… also beef jerky, club crackers, and the--latest gyros. Don’t ask me, I have no clue what that is about.
And… “L” moved into his room last night.
And… he managed to not fall out of his bed the whole night!

The room isn’t officially finished. I still need to put together the dresser, get some curtains, fun stuff to hang on the walls, and move all his stuff, but it was finished enough for him to sleep there, and he was so excited about it I let him.

Until next week... I'll be here... eating my club crackers and beef jerky!

If you’ve discovered Fat Little Legs from the Minneapolis Star Tribune article… welcome! I hope you’ll take some time to read and learn about my journey through the last 115 pounds.


If you are a regular reader, and didn’t know… I opened my paper this morning to find this on the front of the Lifestyle section:


http://www.startribune.com/lifestyle/wellness/119511164.html


Jen @ PriorFatGirl
JP @ PriorFatGuy
And Lindsay @ PriorFatGirl


If you want to read the 5 minute recap of my past year I’d suggest starting here:
http://www.fatlittlelegs.com/2010/12/2010-in-review.html

I certainly had quite the year!


http://www.fatlittlelegs.com/p/recipes.html


And… my latest 2011 news is right here (and its good... I promise): 
http://www.fatlittlelegs.com/2011/03/bittersweet.html


That pretty much catches you up on everything important you need to know! To stay up-to-date use the links on the right side of my blog to subscribe to my RSS feed or email updates. You can also follow me on Twitter!


Again... Welcome!  I'd love to hear from you, so please leave me a comment!


Happy reading and happy losing!

These days I'm missing:

• Enjoying fresh fruits and veggies.  Fruit gives me horrible heartburn, and the thought of fresh veggies makes me literally gag.
• Running :( Any thought of movement makes me start to feel nauseous.  I miss the feeling I get after a good run.  At this point, I likely won't be running for quite awhile... but I certainly hope I feel like walking sometime soon.
• Pants that fit.  Regular pants are too small, and maternity pants are much too big - especially jeans.
• Packing my own lunch to bringing to work... I just can't seem to pull something together most mornings.
• My CWWL (Crazy Weight Watchers Leader) and WWers peeps
• The motivation that my Thursday WWers meetings always brought.
• A good nights sleep.
• Measuring things, counting Points and journaling - yes... I'm crazy, I loved it, and can't wait to get back there.
• Chicken - just like last time with "L", really hard for me to stomach.
• Coffee - just the smell of  Starbucks makes me gag, and I'm a freaking gold card member.
• Feeling the inspiration that losing weight brings.

What I am NOT missing:

• Peeing on those stupid OPK (ovulation predictor kit) sticks, and always getting a negative result.  I swear, I never got a positive, AND I still got pregnant... figure that one out.
• Seeing pregnant people everywhere I turn, and knowing I'm not.
• PCOS - Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome - bite it you stupid disease!
• Negative thoughts about my body
• The thoughts that "L" will never have a sibling

Belly? Pretty much non-existent still. I still am in denial that I will actually look pregnant this go around. I never did last time, I just looked fatter than the already upper 200ish pounds I already was at that point. It seems unusual that my belly would actually be able to hide much longer given that I’m 115+ pounds lighter now, and there has to be room to hide. Still, if you have never before seen the stomach of a person that has lost 115 pounds, you won’t at all be able to understand that there is a lot flab/skin/junk hanging around the abdomen area that I’m not sure pregnant belly will ever be able to show through. I hope I’m wrong, but until proven otherwise, that is what I think. For that reason, you likely will NOT be seeing me post the typical belly pics… sorry to disappoint. I will say that it is official as of this week – non of my pre pregnancy pants fit and the mediums I was wearing in most shirts are too small – so either I’ve gained WAY too much weight from all of the sour patch kid eating, OR the pregnancy body changes are real and happening to me.


“L”s Room? Well... we are making progress.  It’s painted! YAY! We chose a Behr color called French Court. It is a lovely medium blue. You can see the color, here, just ignore the big covered mess in the middle... that is actually his new bed!


I really love how it turned out. We simply need a mattress and a dresser, and some time to arrange things, and he’ll be officially ready to move in there. He is still excited about it all.


I have a doctor appointment this Friday, and I’m very excited to hear this baby’s heartbeat again. I find these early months difficult waiting in between appointments to hear the heartbeat – before the first movements of the baby are felt. At this appointment, I’ll get to schedule my BIG ultrasound for the next! YAY! We’ll finally find out whether you guys will be sending me all new girls clothes, or if I will be making a trip down the basement to haul out “L’s” hand me downs. Do I have a preference? Nope… honestly not. I can think of many reasons I would love to have a girl, and just as many reasons I want a boy, so its win/win I guess.

Last Wednesday I had to head to downtown Minneapolis for an appointment.  Since the appointment was at 4:30 pm, I decided I had no desire to sit in traffic headed out of the city on my way home, and so I took the light rail train downtown.  I used to frequent the light rail train, since my husband used to work downtown, and we often went out for various delicious and often expensive dinners pre-child.  Ah... how times have changed... in more ways than that too! 

I remember a couple of years ago the dread of riding on public transit.  It would go something like this:
Bite nails as I stood nervously and looked around to see how busy the platform was.  Stand near very few other people for the best chance to get a single seat when the train comes.  Board train and search frantically for seat where there is no one else sitting.  Then either, 1 - breathe a sigh of relief once I get a seat alone OR 2 - have to sit next to someone and curl my (rather large) body up as small as possible to fit in the allotted butt space.
Yep... it was kind of horrifying to say the least.

But this past Wednesday it went more like this: 
Enjoy brisk walk from the park and ride to the platform.  Bask in the small amount of sun, and marvel at its warmth.  Think how good it feels to move body.  Stand on platform and don't even think about the amount of people mulling around.  Board whatever car is closest when the train stops, and look around for any seat.  Find an aisle seat next to a non-descript man with headphones reading a newspaper.  Sit butt in seat and wait to feel squished... wait for it... wait for it... wait... uh I wasn't squished, and looking down at my butt and thighs I realized that I fit perfectly in the allotted butt space.  Smile secretly to self about fitting into the butt space, and make a note to write a blog posted about butt space soon.

WOW... what an fun and amazing difference!  I know I've said this before, but finally not being fat is so freeing!  I am finally allowed to live my life like a normal person.  I don't have to be afraid of these types of situations... and I don't have to plan in advance for them - planning my life around them.  I am free to finally live my life without the fear of what being fat will mean in public and social situations.  I'm still figuring it out, but I have to say - I LOVE IT so far! 

While on the train, I couldn't help but notice a woman that was taking up 1-3/4 spaces in the 3 seat section.  There was another man sitting in the third seat near her.  I saw her always looking around at every stop, and I could tell that she was really nervous that someone might come and want need to sit next to her.  I know that dread.  I know that fear.  It's horrible!  I felt for her... that women was me... 2 years ago.  It was like looking in a time-warp mirror. 

I hope someday she can ride the train and know what it feels like to be liberated from that feeling...to be free.  Free from the constant worry that being fat will embarrass you, or even worse, inconvenience someone else.  Now that I don't have to spend my energy on that anymore, I can say that I have way more time and energy to concentrate on life and the things that really matter.

As chosen by random.org out of the 23 comments submitted was comment #20:
which was daniela6968 who said she wanted to try:
Broccoli w/cheese sauce!

daniela6968... I've sent an email to the provided address with the details on how you can claim your prize.
CONGRATS!

Just a quick reminder that the Green Giant Giveaway end tonight.... so make sure to enter before 10 pm Central Time.