Getting my Mojo Back

There has always been something really strange about my self-esteem.  You see, when I was really FAT, I actually had better self-esteem than I do now.  I was more confident.  Sure I knew I was fat, but I was able to command a room and feel respected. 

Now 106 pounds later... I don't feel like that anymore.  How did I lose that sense of confidence as I lost weight?  Somehow along the way I started losing myself, losing who I was along with the weight.  Being fat had always defined me.  I was perfectly OK with being fat until the night he saved my life... and then something started to break.  That brokenness started a downward spiral of my self-esteem.

I have been trying to figure out this self-image problem:

• How can I get that confidence back? 
• How can I feel good about myself again? 
• Now that I'm barely fat anymore I feel fatter than I did 106 pounds ago.  How can I get rid of that feeling? 

And then... last Friday happened.  It was just an ordinary day - consisting of work, some shopping on my lunch hour, and a couple of drinks after work with a friend.  But for the first time in my life... The first time EVER that I can remember I think my self esteem actually matched how I looked... who I am.  See for yourself (ignore the monkey arms in the first picture):

Yeah, I'm smiling and I feel like a million bucks, and damn I think I look good too!

The secret?  Its amazing what a great pair of jeans that actually fit can do for the psyche!  Not only that but I must have had a record number of people tell me how amazing I looked.  That can sure pump a person up!  Thank you, thank you, thank you... I really needed that pump up.

Now, it doesn't mean just because I actually felt good about myself on that day that it will always be like that.  I have had "fat days" since then already, but it is a step in the right direction.

P.S. - My Weigh on Thursday was up 1.4 pounds ... yuck!  Not sure what that is about.  Trying to ignore it and still flaunt the new jeans anyways.