Painful Pictures
August 31, 2010I had a hard, hard night last night. I was uploading and organizing some pictures. I had taken a sweaty picture a couple of weeks ago at Prior Fat Girl's request but still hadn't uploaded it yet. I have also been trying to add pictures to my slide show that runs on the left pane of my blog - if you read through a reader it is definitely worth a look.
Anyways... as I was sorting through things I came across this picture:
This was from December of 2008 - not even 2 years ago. My little boy was only 1 at the time, and well me... I was fat, as you can clearly see. The shock and reminder of seeing this picture did me in. I had a good cry. It is still so painful to look at this. It is so painful to know that all of the pictures of me before my son's second birthday I am disgusted with. And it is beyond painful for me to know that someday he will want to look at pictures from his first 2 years, and he will see this. I won't be able to hide it from him forever. He will see me, and he will know that this is what I was. To know that is about more than I can take right now.
I guess in keeping with the good. At least when he looks now he will see this:
In all my sweaty glory, and you know what? I don't care. I don't care that I'm sweaty and that I have a uni boob from my sports bra. I don't care that my face is red. I am happy. I just ran 3.5 miles before this picture was taken. The girl in the blue sweater above... she couldn't do that, and I guess right now that has to be enough.
This has to be enough:
9 comments
You were not even that teeny . .. well since . . . well since FOREVER!!! I just can't wait to hug your little body . .. and I am so scared to feed you food!
ReplyDeleteWow Sarah. That is so amazing and inspiring!! I have yet to find a blog of someone that met their goal, and i am so happy you did and blog about it!! Congrats!!!
ReplyDeleteYou don't have to hide from him. You will inspire him. It will overwhelm him that his Mommy loved him enough to become the person that you are today...for him (and for you)!
ReplyDeleteHe will be proud of you and impressed by you. LIke everyone else is! =)
I still eat... :-) So you don't have to be scared to feed me food.
ReplyDeleteGreat Job!! And one day you can tell him that you did it for him. What better gift could there be?
ReplyDeleteYour son will know that you made that tremendous change for HIM!! That is something to be proud of. I never wanted to be photographed when my sons were young because of my weight...and now I have so few pictures of myself with them. I'm the one that spent the majority of the time with them in those early years and yet there's nothing to prove it. :( Be proud of how far you've come and what you've done for yourself and for your family.
ReplyDeleteGirl, you have to change your thinking. Instead of looking at where you were and feeling ashamed, you have to look at where you ARE and be PROUD. And you know what? Being fat isn't a moral failing. It's not being a bad person. It just means that you happen to struggle with something that leaves it's evidence on your body, for the whole world to see. Would you tell a recovering alcoholic that they should be ashamed of what they were? I doubt it. It's not any different.
ReplyDeleteBe PROUD and be THANKFUL. Never feel ashamed. You were 100% worthy of love and respect and joy and affection 100 pounds ago, just as you are now.
Sarah...you know what your son is going to see when he looks at those pictures? A wonderful woman who has accomplished something truly amazing in her life. Let those pictures be a badge of honor for you!!!
ReplyDeleteI've given you an award because you've inspired me so much. Come by when you can and pick it up.
http://mindingmyweigh.blogspot.com/
Blessings,
Kimberlynn
I agree that your son will look at those photos and be incredibly proud and thankful. What an amazing gift you have given him. In time he will also understand just how much work it took for you to get to where you are today. You were a beautiful person 100 pounds ago, just as you are now.
ReplyDeleteI LOVE hearing your thoughts and feedback. Please leave me a comment