So it comes the time of year that I need to sit back and reflect on this past year - 2010.  In so many ways, this year was amazing... I lost almost 38 pounds this year, I hit my Weight Watchers goal weight, and I made Lifetime!  All amazing... but yet in a way unrelated to my weight, this year has been hard.  We've had some unexpected things happen, and some personal things haven't gone the way I'd hoped.  And especially in late November and December I have been feeling a little depressed as the days got shorter and shorter.  All in all though, 2010 gets a grade of a B.  While looking back, I too, look forward to have 2011 be an A+ year

The first 3 months of the year flew by... I was on a Weight Watcher's plateau during a lot of this time, so losing weight was HARD!  In March I turned 33 years old, and I finally started losing weight again.

In April I started this blog as I - not only a non-runner, but a running hater - had just committed to running a 5k.  Some wondered if I was crazy, some if I would make it.  I'm almost ashamed to admit that I was among those some.

In May, I threw a pity party for myself after being rejected by Weight Watchers for their "Role Model of the Year Contest."  I continued to train for my race, and I fit into a size 10 and a medium.

108 lbs of food! And me 108 lbs lighter!

WHEW!  What a busy year, but how fun to have everything since April documented!  It only makes me wish even more that I could have started this blog earlier in my journey.

As we leave 2010 behind, I am leaving behind nearly 40 pounds, but also as much negativity about myself and my life as I can.  I am also leaving behind some anger.  And I'm looking to really focusing on both my physical, but also my emotional health in 2011.  I look forward to the new adventure that God has already planned out for me in the year ahead.

What are you leaving behind in 2010?

I trust that you all had a fabulous holiday weekend.


If the fun of my Christmas was in direct proportion to the amount food I ate than I had a great one! A great thing for having a fun. A horrible thing for the way my pants feel this morning!

Christmas Eve and Christmas Day I gave myself permission to eat whatever I wanted, as long as it was special – something I normally don’t eat/have. Well… I guess I apparently was feeling a little suppressed, because everything was special and I had some. Honestly, though, most things really were things I don’t normally have:

Tamales – check
Beef Taquitos – check
Lots of Guacamole - check
Godiva Chocolate from my stocking – check check triple check!
Lefse – homemade by me – with butter or cheese and apple Gouda sausage – check
Cranberry Walnut Bread – check
Marzipan Stolen - check
So many pieces of fudge and lemon curd shortbread cookies that I lost count – again made by me check x 100
Various glasses of champagne, bloody Marys and other alcoholic beverages – check!
Homemade Chex Mix – gotta have it!
Cheesy Twice Baked Potatoes - check
Cherry Pie – check!

So there… you can see that, I too, am fallen.

I stand before you confessing my holiday food sins. Except guess what? I don’t feel much shame… maybe a little – mostly for the little bit of spillover I had into Sunday.

Yeah, my pants feel tight this morning, and I’m having a sugar hangover. I’m up 8 pounds (not kidding), most of which HAS to be water retention right? – think ham + alcohol = double whammy! The old me would have thrown in the towel for the rest of the year, which sounds way worse than it is at this point in the calendar. But the new me… she got up, showered, put the tight pants on, did her hair and makeup, made a breakfast of oatmeal and yogurt, worked out, turned down an invite to eat lunch out and instead ate a small ham sandwich, a banana, an orange, and some cucumbers, and drank 6 glasses of water today so far. She is moving on with …away from those few days of eating with abandon.

Good try ghosts of fat Sarah past… I know this trick you play… but you lose this time!

I win! I win because I did Christmas the way I wanted, and am still under goal (barely) and here to tell about it. So I’m up a few pounds… I know exactly what to do about that. I’m not going to let it get me down.

As I’ve said many times before… this is life and I intend on living it! Besides… it’s Monday

How are you recovering from Christmas, or do you even need recovery?

Whew!  Mere hours to go until the big day is here... the presents are wrapped, the stockings are hung, the food is made, the house is decorated.  I am finally breathing a sigh of relief.  Good grief I LOVE the holidays, I really do, but sometimes it is all a bit much, and I just want everything to be as perfect as possible. 

Amid of all of that, a find a longing for a sense of peace this holiday season - to be able to step away from the chaos and the brokenness for just a moment and take it ALL in.  To find the beauty all around me... even in the imperfect and broken.  Isn't that what Christmas is about?  A long, ill-timed journey for a pregnant lady, a child born in basically a barn, and then laid in the trough where animals fed.  It was imperfect, and yet it all worked!  Boy, I don't know about you, but I can certainly identify with that.

It is with that thought, that I wish you the most joyous of Christmases, A wonderful holiday season, and a bright and healthy upcoming 2011!  Thank you for coming along on this journey with me this year.

I leave you with a song I have found a lot of comfort in the past few days.  MERRY CHRISTMAS!

After my post about Building a Habit, I had a whole bunch of emails asking me for the running plan I followed.

So... without further ado, here is the 5k running plan I followed earlier this year.  I can't take any credit for this as it is a plan that Weight Watchers published this spring on their website.  What I can take credit for is going from not even being able to run 1 second to be able to run a 5k in 32 minutes and 15 seconds 6 weeks later by following this plan!  I can't say enough good about this plan.  That said, a fair warning IT IS HARD!  Plan to be challenge and dedicate yourself to this.  This is a much harder and more accelerated plan than the popular C25K plan that a lot of people follow.  Just think how quickly you'll be ready to run a 5k!  Good luck!






I've added a link to this information under my Race Information tab/page too.

Uninspiring... that's how I feel despite the wonderful comments that you guys always leave for me.
 
Maybe its because I gained 2.6 pounds on Thursday at my weigh in, despite being on plan all week.
Maybe its because we've had so much snow and cold this year already and its not even officially winter yet. 
Maybe its because I've had so much at work and and in life going on.
Maybe its because I miss my family this time of year.
Maybe its because I missed every light to and from work yesterday.
Maybe its because my hormones are seriously messed up.
Maybe its because I had to pay my son's hospital bill from the MRI yesterday - in December of all months.
Maybe its because my 3 year old is crabby and sassy and waking up in the middle of the night asking me to "help him sleep."
Maybe its because its dark at 4:15 pm.
Maybe its because I just can't get into the groove of the new Weight Watchers plan - it seems like endless work, and endless time that I just don't have right now.
Maybe its because I'm on my third Christmas party in a week.
Maybe its because sometimes I secretly want to give up, to not care so much.
Maybe its because I feel bloated and my jeans were tight today.
Maybe its because I sometimes feel really alone.
Maybe its because Christmas is one week away and I still have to wrap everything.
Maybe its because I hate my stupid, broken, - did I mention stupid, body.
Maybe its because I didn't let myself eat a monster cookie yesterday.
Maybe its because I'm having trouble sleeping.

Can you tell I'm in a bad place?  I'm in a bad place with a shitload of cookies and candy in my house too.  NOT GOOD!  Its taking everything I have not to sit down with a whole tin, and eat it. 

I ask myself - Will it solve anything?  Will it truely fill what I'm looking for?  Will it help me get what I want?  No, No, and No.  Do I sometimes still take a bite?  Yep... I am still a human, even if I've lost 116.6 - 2.6 pounds.  I still think like a fat person.

Emotions never go away, the desire to eat yourself through them continues to rear its ugly head.  My response though now, its different.  I don't eat the whole tin before I recognize that I'm not really hungry, I only eat half.
Victory is progress.
Success is progress.
This is a lifelong journey.  There is no end.
Progress NOT Perfection!

It’s commonly said that it takes 30 days of doing something consistently to create a habit. I always found that interesting, since I actually think that is underestimating what it takes to create a habit.

I started my weight loss journey in October 2008. I lost my first fifty pounds without so much as lifting a finger for exercise. It helped me to concentrate on one thing at a time – one thing I knew I could change – my food. In April of 2009, I knew that to truly change myself I would need to find a way not only to make myself thinner, but also to make myself fitter – so I joined Curves.

Curves was perfect for me - low-impact, minimal time commitment, and fun to do.  I committed to going 3-4 days a week.  For probably the next 6 months, if I made it 2 days a week, that was good. 

Fast forward to this past spring - 2010.  Weight Watchers issued a challenge to walk a 5k.  Walking is GREAT exercise, but I knew that it would not be a challenge for me.  So... I committed to running a 5k, and picked my race - The CDI Back in Shape 5k - June 12, 2010. 

7 weeks away from the race, and after much hemming and hawing, I decided it was time to start training.  I followed the Weight Watchers run a 5k plan (email me for more information if you want information on this plan).  Initially I couldn't run 1 minute, but at the end of 6 weeks I ran a 5k in 32 minutes and 15 seconds!  Now I was going to Curves 3 days a week and running 3-4 days a week.  After the race, I just kept on running, I rarely missed a day.  I eventually left Curves and joined a gym where I could run inside, and rarely now miss a day.  It isn't even a option for me to "skip" anymore. 

That's my long-winded way of saying it took me nearly a year of "practice" to finally make exercise a habit - an integral part of my life.  Back in my earlier Curves days, I remember waking up at 5:20 am to head into Curves, only to roll over and turn my alarm off.  I can honestly say, with the exception of being sick, I haven't done that in months. 

The past 2 weeks have been TOUGH!  I have felt unmotivated to exercise.  I could give you EVERY excuse in the book: 
stomach flu
a cold/sore throat
a sick kid
a sick husband
the holidays are coming
holiday parties
Thanksgiving
Christmas shopping to do
stress at work
3 snow storms, etc. etc.
but I've powered through. 

The turning point of realizing that FINALLY exercise is a habit for me was this morning: 
The temperature = 11 below,
The time = 5:15 am
Outside =dark and snowy
Me = groaning and moaning, saying I don't want to ALL the way to the gym, even while on the treadmill the whole 30 minutes. 
The result, not even once did I consider not going despite all my grumbling! 

So don't give yourself the choice to quit - whatever you are facing.  Keep getting up in the morning and doing it over and over and over again.  When you don't want to, do it anyways.  For me, it took way longer than 30 days to make that habit, but the time spent was well worth it!

My husband's foot prints in the snow

Marshmallow woman in what was once her backyard!

End of my driveway Dec 12, 2010 18 inches!

It was only a few short months ago that I sat in my doctor's office as he erased obesity from my medical record.  While, having obesity erased was certainly one of the most powerful moments I've had on this weight loss journey, I have to say that realizing, as I logged my weight on Thursday, that I was no longer overweight is up in the top ten as well.

Thursday, I weighed in and lost 3 pounds.  2 really big losses in a row... thanks stomach flu!  I'm pretty sure this was NOT the new program that Weight Watchers had in mind.  And while I'm thankful for the losses, I know they are anomalies, and things will go "back to normal" now that my stomach finally feels like accepting food into it again.  It will also give me some time to really try and embrace the new PointsPlus program.  Since I haven't been eating normal, I haven't had much time to practice the new plan.

With the loss, I celebrated 116.6 total pounds lost at my meeting.  Later after logging my weight into eTools, and seeing my current BMI, I realized that I was no longer obese, I was no longer overweight.  I, for the first time that I can ever remember (yes, I was a fat kid too) have a NORMAL BMI!  Normal?  me?  Normal in terms of weight... amazing! 

I wish I could tell you that I feel normal too, but I don't. 

I am still playing the mind games, that those who have ever lost a lot of weight can all too quickly identify with.  I look at myself, and I don't see myself as normal.  I see myself as fat. 

I try on clothes that are too big.  I look down at my legs, and feel "ugh" escape silently through my lips.  When I sit in a public place, I still brace myself for being squished, even though I quickly realize that the size 8 fits, and my legs... they are strong, they can carry my body - there is nothing "ugh" about them.  I don't take up as much space in a chair/airplane seat/movie theatre, that I used to.  There is hard evidence ALL around me, and yet I can only see myself as overweight on a good day, and still obese on a bad one.  I can go in my closet, and put on the size 8 pants and the medium shirt, and feel like a size 24 and a 2x.  And then there is an occasional moment of brilliance... where I see my reflection in glass, or in the mirror at the gym, and know that I am not who I once was.  My mind actually for a split second recognizes the new me.

It's hard and I'm getting better at it.  But I still have a LONG ways to go! 
I only hope that the erasure of fat from my mind can someday catch up with the reality of the erasure of fat from my body.

Just in time for Christmas, I present (drum roll please)... my favorite things-healthy edition!  Here are some gift ideas for those on your list - or maybe for a treat for yourself!  Every single one of these things I own or have tried and I LOVE. 



 
Lands End Nylon Pieced UltraLight Jacket Perfect lightweight jacket for running - breathable, and has pockets for iPods and the like!